Endurance
by Marvel-Fanatic
Summary: [Abandoned] When she was 16 she went missing now 10 years later she's free from Hydra's hold on her mind, but her recovery is still another hell that needs to be faced. With the aid of Steve and Bucky she attempts to find her family from her broken memories. Rated M for Torture Scenes and Smut
1. A Chance?

**New story concept came from a really weird ass dream I had on New Years and I was encouraged to write it by my girlfriend.**

 **Mostly OC centred but Stucky is in this too.**

 **Planning on this being a long one.**

* * *

Gunshots caused her to jump awake, more ringing out through the corridors, alarms were ringing now. There were intruders inside the base, she got up and threw her hair up in a messy half up knotted bun, looking around for a weapon to grab just incase someone was coming for her. She knew she was an asset to Hydra, a weapon of theirs that they owned. She used to be the back up, the insurance but ever since the original asset went rogue she was their number one. She looked around the dark padded cell she was housed in when not on mission or being examined by the medical team. Her suppressor anklet was still on her powers were still nullified, no help from them either, besides her wings but she was in an enclosed building, not much ceiling room. She frowned, no weapon, no armour, no powers, she would have to use her strength, wings, and training to take down these intruders.

Metal twisting a ripping brought her out of her thoughts. She spun around dropping into a low fighting stance wings spread ready to attack, her small size gave her an advantage in speed and agility but not brute force. Her eyes widened, she was not expecting this man to be coming for her. Hydra's enemy. Captain America himself, the last mission the original asset was ever sent on. The one he didn't return from.

"Come with me. I can free you." He spoke gently but she hesitated. Her broken mind stuck at crossroads. This man was Hydra's enemy she was Hydra, kill him and have possibly better treatment from them or go with him and possibly get recaptured and wiped again. She would do anything to avoid that machine. She made up her mind, face hardening and wings stiffening as she focused on a strategy against this man. Legs she decided, go for his legs, wind him and go for the kill, choke him out then snap his neck to end it all. She charged at him tackling him and slamming him against the laminate flooring of the facility, realizing he was shocked and not expecting this reaction from her she pinned him and wrapped her hands around his throat, metal and flesh trying to force the oxygen to stop flowing into the Captains lungs her wings spread above her as she tried to end his life, like an angel of death.

"Steve!" Within a second of her wrapping her hands around his throat she was thrown against the wall, she grunted as her wing flexed the wrong way on impact and stood up to face the new opponent. A man in a red and grey suite mechanical wings folding into his backpack. She charged her wings giving a powerful flap giving her extra speed propelling her towards the man and managed to make her metal fist connect with his face, but it was a weak hit as she was thrown to the side, the Captains shield thrown at her, it hits its mark and winded her as it hit where her wings joined with her body. She responded by spinning around and catching the Captain in the face with the meaty part of her large wings sending him into the opposite wall, satisfied that a small crater of impact was formed from him being thrown into the wall. She turned to face the other man and charged at him smashing her fist into his face knocking him out. She allowed a smirk to slip through. This one wasn't enhanced, he was a human easy to dispose of. She grabbed one of the guns from his suite and aimed it at him. She was about to pull the trigger when she heard the familiar voice.

"Stop!" It was him. The man that deserted Hydra years back, the one that escaped the torture of being the asset. She only remembered bits and pieces about him, he trained her she knew that but Hydra had done their job with making sure she had no memory from years previous.

She had no idea why she hesitated on pulling the trigger but she couldn't make her finger do it. It was like a disconnected signal even though it was her flesh hand on the trigger.

The man continued speaking to her. "This isn't who you are kid. You aren't the weapon they made you to be. You can stop this now and come with us. We can help you. Help you remember who you are. You don't have to hurt anyone anymore, you can live free, under no one's control."

Freedom. Such a foreign concept to her, all she knew was Hydra, all she knew was her handlers, her doctors, the tests, the examinations, the chair. Her confusion showed as her wings shifted and ruffled anxiously and the man stepped closer keeping his hands in her vision field knowing that she could strike at any moment when provoked.

"I know you're confused, you're scared, this place is all you remember, but I promise you there's a better life for you. I can help you find it, but you need to put that gun down. He's here to help you, to rescue you. He didn't want to hurt you but you were attacking Captain Rogers. Please, put the gun down and let me, let us, help you."

Her hazel eyes flicked from the man that deserted her years ago to the unconscious man on the ground in front of her. Was freedom that easy? Could she finally have a way out of this hell? The man talking to her, she remembered him. Even if he was also under Hydra's control he was always as nice as he could be to her. She couldn't think, everything was overwhelming her. The concept of a new life so different to the one she had. Free from the control? Free from the pain? Free from the torture? Free from everything?

* * *

Bucky slowly approached the woman. He couldn't remember if she ever told her his name when she was first taken by Hydra. His memories were still jumbled but he knew she was young when she was brought in. Taken from some trafficking ring promised freedom from that hell and to only be brought into a new one. Even if she didn't remember she most likely has a subconscious feeling telling her to not trust him and the promised freedom.

"I know you're confused" He spoke slowly and calmly, trying to get her to drop the gun from Wilson's face. "I know you're scared, this place is all you remember, but I promise you there's a better life for you. I can help you find it, but you need to put that gun down. He's here to help you, to rescue you. He didn't want to hurt you but you were attacking Captain Rogers." His eyes shifted over to Steve who was laying still against the wall conscious but smart to not make any movements to not scare the poor girl. "Please, put the gun down and let me, let us, help you." He eyed the girl, her eyes sifting as she was mostly likely trying to process what he had just said. She wasn't used to making decisions for herself. She didn't know what freedom from Hydra really meant. She was riddled with Stockholm syndrome and her mind jumbled because of the years of brainwashing a programming she endured because of Hydra's mission to make her a weapon.

She was shaking now, starting to panic, Bucky continued to approach her slowly seeing her eyes starting to water and she started to shake more. She was overstimulated, over thinking her entire situation. Her wings that he didn't remember her having flapped sharply giving away her anxiety. She was in a whole new environment given the choice to make a decision for herself and she didn't know how to handle it. He was just behind her when she lowered the gun and dropped it.

"Okay" Her voice was horse and weak. She most likely hadn't spoken in years, and wasn't used to speaking.

"You want to come with us?" He asked softly wanting to make sure and to let her know she was in control of the situation.

"Yes." He voice was still soft and weak, barely above a whisper.

"Okay. I have to cuff you though, there are other agents here and it's a safety precaution. they don't know how you'll react and they don't want anyone getting hurt, but I'll be with you the entire time to make sure you're okay. Understand?" She nodded and he felt horrible knowing this was the last thing he'd ever want if he was just being rescued. To be restrained again and seen as a monster. He cuffed her wrists together and started leading her out. Feeling she was tense and understanding why. "I'm going to help you. I promise you that but you've been through a lot and we want to make sure you don't hurt anyone or yourself if you become too overwhelmed." He spoke gently and smiled lightly when he felt her relax slightly.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Steve leading a now semi-conscious Wilson out. Knowing he was going to be milking this situation for all it's worth later he turned back to the situation at hand. He lead the women to the quinjet and sat down beside her in the passenger area while Steve laid Sam down on the opposite bench and went up to the cockpit. Natasha came up the ramp with Clint by her side. The two had taken out a majority of the Hydra agents while Steve, Sam, and Bucky dealt with calming the woman down.

"Why is she cuffed?" Barton questioned sitting on her opposite side. She eyed him warily tensing up pulling her wings in tight at a new person being so close to her and not being able to defend herself.

"Easy." Bucky said in the same gently calm tone he'd been using on her the entire time. "This is Agent Clint Barton. He's one of my friends and won't hurt you. She's Agent Natasha Romanoff, she will also not hurt you." He informed her and her eyes shifted to him. He looked at her in the bright quinjet lighting and saw the extent of her neglected care from Hydra, her hair was matted and knotted, dried blood remained in it from previous missions most likely same as the black feathers of her wings. She was in a form fitting tank top holes cut out for her wings and leggings that went to her mid calves. She was covered in scars and the scaring around where her metal arm met skin was similar to his, heavy and nasty. Her eyes were bloodshot and dark bags hung under them. She was fit but also looked underfed due to Hydra keeping her hydrated and nutrition up through IVs and not real food. Clint cleared his throat drawing Bucky's attention away from analyzing the woman's appearance.

"She's cuffed because we don't know how she'll react around others and that could lead to either her or others being injured" Bucky explained.

"Uncuff her Barnes. She's probably terrified and panicking at being in a new environment." Natasha said to him before turned to the woman. "I'm right aren't I Lily?" She perked up at that name being said her wings flaring out slightly like it sparked something in her memory.

"That's right." Natasha smiled gently. "I found your file, your name is Lily Ducasse and you're 27. I'll let you read it over later but I don't want to overwhelm you. Is it okay if I call you Lily or would you prefer a different name."

"No." She shook her head, her voice a little stronger than before. "You-you can call me that." She was hesitant but all of the agents on board could tell that she had gained confidence just by hearing her name for the first time in years.

She jumped, wings flicking in surprise when the jet fired up and looked ready to pounce. "Relax." Bucky said gently, putting his flesh hand on her shoulder knowing skin to skin contact would calm her better than metal to skin. "That's just the jet starting up to take us back to base where doctors will take a look at you to evaluate your physical and metal health. Nothing more than that." He assured her seeing her tense up at the mention of Doctors.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Clint asked, trying to calm Lily down with the aspect of food.

She bit her lip and confusion covered her face, not really knowing how to answer.

"How about this, it's a long flight back to base. We'll give you something to help you relax and sleep because there's no doubt you're probably freaking out at your whole situation. We'll wake you once we get back to base but you can rest for now." Natasha suggested.

Lily's face scrunched up in thought. "I'd like that." She finally answered.

"Okay" Natasha nodded and went to get a water bottle and drugs. "I put some melatonin in the water. It's a drug that makes you drowsy and helps you sleep, you should feel it affecting you within 5 minutes of finishing the bottle." She explained handing the bottle to Lily, knowing that the now ex-hydra agent would want to know everything that was happening to her. Lily nodded, took the bottle and started sipping it slowly. Clint got up and grabbed a pillow and blanket he had stashed on the jet for his own napping purposes but figured Lily would need it more than him right now.

"You can curl up here." He said setting up the pillow and blanket. "It's not much but it's warmer and comfier than just the bench. He felt bad for the poor girl. Only 27 and gone through so much hell.

"It's better than what I had with them." She responded, her voice sounding better now that she had drank some water but she was half way done the bottle and starting to feel tired. "Have at it. We'll wake you once we land." Clint said stepping out of the way and letting her curl up on the bench, her wings folding around her body and then covered by the blanket as she closed her eyes and slipped into a deep sleep.

* * *

 **I'm in love with this story so far. Can't wait to write more.**

 **Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated**


	2. Memories

**Okay here's a long one. Bucky and Steve have a heart to heart and Lily's mystery girlfriend comes into the picture**

* * *

Bucky eyed the Lily's sleeping form periodically throughout the duration of the flight. About half way back to base Steve and Clint switched out, to give Steve a rest from piloting the jet, he walked over and sat next to Bucky.

"How is she?" He asked looking over at Lily who was sound asleep and curled up on the bench.

"She's messed up." Bucky sighed running his hand through his shoulder length hair. "She was young when they got her, they didn't put her cryo so she'd age and once she reached mid-twenties they'd put her under. My guess is we got her just in time before they did it." He sighed again looking over at his boyfriend. "She was barely 18 when they brought her in Steve. Fucking hell, she had a family, a girlfriend. I remember first meeting her before they started. She didn't have wings and her left arm was already missing. She told me they said they were government agents rescuing her from a trafficking ring that would have their customers pay to torture the captives. They promised her salvation and only brought her back to hell. She was terrified, clutching onto a picture of her girlfriend. The only thing she had left to remember her by they took it from her. Now she doesn't even remember that someone out there is waiting for her to come home. She was too scared to tell me her girlfriends name and I can't remember the picture we have no way of finding her."

"Buck, calm down." Steve put a hand on Bucky's right shoulder. "Shield's one of best data sources we can use to try and track her down but like you said, Lily won't remember her right away. Lily's just been freed from Hydra and now will have to go through mandated therapy like you did and both you and I know that's another hell in itself with reliving the memories and all the meds."

"I know I know but, just remembering who you were, remembering what we are and how you make me feel. Recovering became so much easier after that. Having you by my side made it easier I could tell you everything and you just holding me, rubbing my back. You know how to comfort me even after over 70-years of being apart. I want Lily to have the same. Find her girlfriend so she can help Lily recover faster."

"Buck, her girlfriend may have moved on. She was missing for years, most likely presumed dead." Steve said gently not wanting Bucky to get his hopes up so far.

"No. She was in love, she would tell me about her girlfriend to keep herself sane throughout the nights. They had plans on getting married, a life together. She talked about how she got her a ring the previous Christmas. They were gonna spend the rest of their lives together Stevie. Just like we had planned." He shook his head and stood up pacing across the length of the jet trying to get his thoughts organized. Steve walked up and stood in front of him placing his hands on Bucky's shoulders.

"Okay." He sighed, "I'll do my best to help you find Lily's girlfriend."

"Thank you Stevie." Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve and planted a kiss on his lips which Steve happily returned.

* * *

Devan Dwyer was having the fifth worst day in her life. The first was the accident, second was when she woke up in the hospital, third was when she was pronounced dead, and fourth was the funeral. There wasn't even a body to bury. The one day of the entire year that she doesn't want to participate in and it's when a mandatory mid-term is held. She didn't want to bother her professor about a different date, she couldn't even say out loud why they day was so hard for her to function on.

She stared at the exam sheet, pen tight in her grip as she continued to stare at the blank paper. 1 hour had already passed and wet tears were running down her face as she tried to hold sobs in so she wouldn't bother anyone else writing or being attention to herself. The tears rolled off her cheeks and splashed onto the test sheet, slowly beginning to soak it. She wasn't able to function on this day. Everyday was hard now, since she lost her girlfriend, but this was the worst day of the year. She couldn't even to bring herself to write the date on the page. This day, she couldn't all she kept seeing was the accident that happened 11 years ago on this date. The day Lily Ducasse went missing.

 _Lily and herself were in Lily's dad's car. Lily driving, the two of them going back to Devan's house after a date at mini-put and the movies. She couldn't stop smiling at how beautiful Lily looked as she concentrated on the road._

 _"_ _I can't believe your mom agreed to you sleeping over again!" She bounced in her seat in excitement. Lily's overbearing mom had agreed to Lily sleeping over at Devan's with the conditions of them being in separate beds considering the two girls had gone to see a midnight movie premier and she didn't want Lily driving so much at such a late time._

 _"_ _I know" Lily grinned, "and you're not sick like the last time I was allowed so we can actually cuddle this time."_

 _"_ _Hey! I didn't mean to get sick last time. It just happened, blame Arik." Devan protested wanting to shove Lily but also not wanting to distract her as se drove._

 _"_ _I'm kidding love." She laughed, as long as I'm with you I don't care, but cuddles will be a plus." She grinned._

 _"_ _Always a plus." Devan smiled at Lily as they pulled up to small intersection on the side road they were taking home because Lily still wasn't comfortable with highway driving. She took the opportunity of the stop light to lean over and give Lily a quick peck on the lips. Wanting to kiss her nonstop but knowing that wasn't an option because Lily just had to be driving. She leaned back once the light turned green and Lily started to accelerate. Out of the corner of her eye Devan saw headlights coming from the left, coming in fast. They weren't stopping._

 _"LILY LOOK OUT!" She tried to warn Lily but it was too late the SUV smashed into the drivers side door, crushing the small sedan's framing around Lily. Devan felt the air bag hit her hard. The car sliding across the intersection until it hit the stoplight post. She let out a straggled cry as pain shot through her body. Glass rained down on her and she heard bones snap. She couldn't tell if they were hers or Lily's she looked over through her hair matted with blood and glass from the sunroof and passenger window._

 _Lily was unconscious and slumped over the wheel, she could see she was covered in gashes and could smell copper in the air. Lily was loosing blood and fast, but she was stuck and starting to feel herself loose consciousness as her adrenaline faded fast and the pain was setting in._

 _The driver door was torn off the mangled body of the car. she could see two men dressed in full black, cutting Lily out of the car. they took her and dragged her to another SUV. Devan just about threw up. Lily's left arm was almost completely severed off, blood draining quickly from her slashed skin, bone snapped and arm hanging limp._

 _Within 60 seconds. The perfect date turned into the most horrific day in Devan's life._

* * *

 _The first thing she remembered when waking up in the hospital was the beeping, the constant annoying beeping and then she remembered what happened._

 _Lily!_

 _She forced her eyes open and gasped, trying to shit up but groaned in pain as agony spread over her abdomen._

 _"_ _Devan don't move." It was her mom, she laid back down in the hospital bed._

 _"_ _Where's Lily? Is she okay?" She looked around seeing an empty bed next to her and fearing the worst. "Is she in another room?"_

 _"_ _Devan, Lily, she" Her mom hesitated and her fears we confirmed. "When the paramedics got to the crash you we the only one in the car, there was a small trail of blood outside of the drivers door and the police confirmed it's Lily's but they haven't found her yet. They were waiting for you to wake up to take your statement and see if you remember anything."_

 _It hit Devan right in the chest. The heavy heavy weight of pain, regret, anxiety, and loss. Tears started running down her cheeks as sobs racked her throat. She collapsed back into her bed and sobbed, tears streaming down her cheeks as jobs racked her chest and she started to hyperventilate. Cara got up to console her daughter for the loss of her girlfriend._

 _After 2 hours of sobbing and panic attacks Devan was ready to give her statement to the police. "We were driving home after the movie, Lily stopped at the light because it was red and then when it turned green she started to go. The car came out of no where, going almost full speed. I tried to warn Lily as soon as I saw it but it was too late it already it us. I remember seeing her unconscious, but she was breathing. I'm sure of it, her door was ripped off or something by these two guys in black clothes and masks and they dragged her out. She's not dead, someone took her you have to find her please." Tears were leaking down her face again. She didn't want to lose Lily, they had plans together, their lives together. They were gonna get married save up for an apartment get a few cats and dogs and be crazy animal wives together._

 _"_ _We'll do our best." The officer told her. She then turned to Lily's parents who were in the room. "We'll do our best to find Lily."_

 _"_ _Thank you." Lily's mom smiled gently tears staining her face._

 _Devan laid back in her bed, already missing Lily's scent, trying to remember the last thing she said to her, the last time they had kissed. She looked to her bed side and saw the ring Lily got her last christmas. It was undamaged. By some miracle it didn't scratch or dent or anything. She gingerly picked up the simple silver banded purple quartz single gem ring and slipped it on her left ring finger vowing to herself and Lily that no matter what. Lily was still her girlfriend and she would be found. No matter when, she and Lily would be reunited._

* * *

 _5 years after the day Lily want missing her parents decided to end the searching for their daughter and declare her officially and legally dead._

 _And Devan hated them for it. They did it without consulting her, not even telling her until she got a call asking for her to come in and claim any of Lily's personal belongings if she wished to. Devan went and raided Lily's entire room. She brought Tyler a close friend of her and Lily's longtime softball teammate to help with the packing and Devan with panic attacks._

 _Devan and Tyler were sitting on the floor of Lily's room that had remained untouched since the day she want missing. Both of them carefully packing away her Funko Pop! figurines that she spent years collecting and spending hundred of dollars on._

 _"_ _I remember this one." Devan smiled lightly tears dripping down her cheeks she looked down at the figurine of Castiel from the Supernatural series. "Lily spend 60 bucks on it at comicon. It was the last one left. she just had to get the one with wings." She let out a hollow laugh. Lily's room brought back so many memories, so many happy ones that made her sad just thinking about them._

 _"_ _Oh my god her metals!" Tyler said grabbing the old metals that were sitting on one of the bookcases shelves, Lily had never found the prefect spot to hang them. "Here's the first gold we won together." She smiled lightly holding the red ribboned circular piece of metal. "We may have been a select team but it felt like we were rep. Man that tournament was amazing, we blew everyone away. Lily was so excited, being her crazy self just rolling in the dirt in her uniform for the hell of it." She smiled fondly, Lily may have been a little difficult to understand at some points but she was an amazing player and teammate, not to mention friend you could talk to with just about anything._

 _"_ _Done" Devan said placing the last Funko box in the plastic tub she had brought over. "Let's bring these down to your car and then lets get started on her books. I'm not letting any of these go."_

 _"_ _Devan" Tyler said gently. "I think you're getting too attached to inanimate objects."_

 _"_ _Ty, Lily loved books they were her life, you know that. She was going to be an amazing author and I'm going to seal them away, keep them in storage for when she's found and comes home."_

 _"_ _Devan, it's been 5 years, you're 21 now. How are you so sure that Lily's still alive?"_

 _"_ _I can feel it Ty. I just know it. That one spark of hope hasn't left me yet. I know she's out there somewhere. Waiting to be found and brought back."_

 _"_ _As long as you don't have a mental breakdown I'll help you out." Ty smiled gently at her friend. She was the one to introduce Devan and Lily to each other. Devan had tagged along with her on a softball tournament and introduced the her to Lily thinking they'd be good friends. Turned out they became more than good friends when Lily tried to make out with Devan three months later to win a fucking video game. The two had been together ever since falling more and more in love until the accident. Devan's love for Lily remained as strong as ever having gain Lily's optimistic look on life waiting for her girlfriend to come home but also knowing that Lily wouldn't want her to mope around about her disappearance so she finished high school and went to a local collage to stay in the area, to stay with Lily. But then she travelled out west for school. Always coming back for holidays with her family._

 _the two girls carried the tub full of Funkos down to Tyler's car. Devan still had a fear of driving ever since the accident, she was slowly getting over it thanks to therapy but it would take some time before she would be able to drive by herself. Another car pulled in just as Tyler was closing the trunk. More of Devan's friends who had known Lily coming to help out. Hailey, Eric, and Nick._

 _The three new comers gave Devan and Tyler hugs. All asking Devan how she was feeling._

 _"_ _I, I'm gonna just sit out here for a while, I can feel an attack is close." Devan said shakily trying to focus on her breathing._

 _"_ _I'll stay out here with you." Eric offered, "Ty Hailey and Nick can do the books."_

 _"_ _No! I want to do them or at least be there. Lily loved books, they were her life, she was going to be an amazing author." Devan sobbed sliding down the brick of the house. Sobs racking her chest as she started to panic. Her body was going numb and she was having trouble thinking clearly as she started to restrict her own breathing without realizing it. Eric sat by her and pulled her into a hug holding her tight._

 _"_ _Go set up the boxes, we'll be up when she's okay." He told the other three who nodded and went to get the boxes Hailey, Nick, and Eric brought over_

 _He held Devan for the duration of her panic attack, she fell unconscious because of her improper breathing pattern and slumped against Eric's body who held her having been present for previous attacks since Lily's disappearance._

 _Devan slowly woke up still in Eric's arms. "You passed out. You feeling a bit better now?" Eric asked gently._

 _"_ _Yeah, a bit." Devan nodded sitting up and wiping her face._

 _"_ _Ready to go back in?" Eric questioned and Devan nodded_

 _"_ _Then let's get to packing up those books." He smiled standing up and holding his hand out for her_

 _"_ _Okay." Devan stood in front of the other four in Lily's room in front of her 3 book shelves. "Lily is extremely OCD about the way her books are organized, they go first by series in alphabetical order by authors last name and then she has a shelf for stand alone books that are also alphabetized by last name. Let's try and keep the series together and not break them up between boxes. Okay?" The four nodded. "Then let's go people."_

 _While the four started carefully packing away Lily's books Devan went to her desk, grabbing specific items and Lily would want her to keep and that her parents would probably throw away. She grabbed her two writing/idea journals that were filled with concepts and character outlines for the two books she was working on at the time of her kidnapping and her envelope labeled "Future tattoos" She placed them in another small box that she would keep at her place to preserve. All the other boxes and the tub filled with Funkos would be locked away in a storage locker until Devan got a place to store them correctly._

 _The five drove over to the storage facility and stored everything carefully stacking the boxes with the lightest on top and making sure they they wouldn't fall. The Funko tub was stored in a corner sealed so no dust would collect._

 _"_ _Thanks for helping out guys" Devan smiled gratefully_

 _"_ _No problem Dev, not one of us would want to see Lily's most treasured possessions thrown out or disregard." Eric smiled hugging his friend._

 _"_ _Which reminds me." Tyler smiled gently. "Here I found these when you and Eric were outside." She help out Lily's favourite stuffed animals, a bear and a squirrel that Devan had given her, she would always sleep wit them. Devan couldn't fight the tears welling up she engulfed Tyler in a hug. "Thank you so much" She couldn't stop the sobs that were racking her throat. These stuffed animals were the things Lily would almost refuse to sleep without. She brought them to every sleepover no matter who poked fun at her for having stuffed animals with her as she slept. Hailey, Nick, and Eric going Devan and Tyler in the hug to all share a few tears over Lily's absence in their lives, but for some reason all knew that Lily Ducasse would return someday, because no one can hold back Lily Ducasse. Absolutely no one._

* * *

 _Her funeral. There was no body in that coffin being lowered into the ground. No meaning of her head stone. She wasn't dead. She was still alive out there, somewhere. She could feel it in her heart and soul. Tears rushed down her face as she watched the jet black coffin be lowered into the ground. She sniffled clutching Eric's hand trying to let some of the pain go she clung to the pink rose in her other hand. She had organized what to do with the roses that would be placed on Lily's grave. Pink, purple, and blue. Their pride colours, she knew Lily would want to say goodbye with a final declaration of how proud she was of being bisexual so she knew Lily's funeral needed pride colours and not the average white roses that would be used for a ceremony like this. Lily hated white, it was bland to her, she needed colour. Always bright colours, like that fucking neon orange sweatshirt she owned. Devan hated that thing, orange was a repulsive colour, but now she wore it all the time, it was oversized on Lily so it was the only thing that fit Devan without the fear of seams ripping. Whenever she wore it she felt closer to Lily, like not all of her was gone. She knew Lily was out there but, without her by her side. Devan felt more alone than ever. She walked forward and placed the rose on her grave stone._

 _Lily Ducasse  
_ _February 1990 - March 2006  
_ _Beloved daughter, sister, friend  
_ _Will forever live in the hearts_ _of those she touched  
_ _Forever Bisexual and Proud_

 _Devan smiled lightly, she and her family had paid specifically for those last 3 lines, something Lily's parents didn't necessarily want. They didn't want their daughter to be remember as bisexual but Devan knew Lily would want it. To let all others know that bisexuality was valid and something to be proud of._

 _Devan walked with Hailey, Tyler, Nick, and Eric to Nick's car, having each placed their roses on Lily's grave._

 _"_ _You gonna be okay for your speech?" Tyler asked Devan who was sitting on the right side in the back._

 _"_ _Even if I'm not I'm going to say it. People have to know what Lily was really like, not who her parents wanted her to be." She sniffled wiping at her tears._

 _The five arrived at the small reception hall where a dinner would be held to honor Lily. Most of Lily's family was there, Devan's family, plus other family friends, but none of Lily's friends had shown up and Devan gritted her teeth at that. Lily deserved so much better than the friends she had made. She looked around and took a deep breath walking over to the podium and taking out her printed copy of the speech it had taken her three days to write._

 _"_ _For those of you that don't know, I'm Devan Dwyer, I was dating Lily for about a year and a half when, when the accident happened." She coughed and wiped at her face as tears were already starting to form. "Lily was different than everyone else, she didn't care about her appearance or what people thought of her, she was happy the way she was and I think that's one of the things I loved most about her. But she was also kind, smart and had such a huge heart, she made me feel so happy almost all the time. I have anxiety, depression, add and other things but Lily always made me feel normal. She never made me feel like the crazy girl or the bitch in high school who had extra time on tests, she made me feel normal. And feeling normal is all I've wanted, so when Lily called me beautiful and perfect, it was the best thing. She made me love who I am, I always grew up needing to be perfect so being an overweight, tall girl, isn't perfect at all, but she destroyed the Barbie image in my head and made me realize that I am perfect and beautiful and half fuck do I miss her her. She was so kind and smart and her smile always made my heart flutter, seeing her tiny teeth and eyes glow made me feel warm on the inside and so happy that I'm the one that gets to kiss her forever." She stopped and looked towards the ceiling trying to stop the tears from coming as agony settled in her chest over the loss of her beloved. "And I'm so happy that seeing her smile is one of my last memories of her." She was full on crying now, should count stop the tears. "Okay, I need to finish this up. Lily made me who I am today and I will forever miss her, she will always stay with me and I will never stop looking. She is too perfect, beautiful and smart to be given up on, I'm coming for you baby." She took a final deep breath and grabbed the sheet, stepping down and was heading outside for some alone time._

 _"_ _She's gone Devan. I think it's time you move on." It was Lily's mother._

 _Devan stopped dead and turned slowly stalking up to the woman, fire in her eyes."What kind of mother gives up on her missing child? Lily is still out there. I can feel it in my heart and soul. I'm not giving up until they find a body with DNA proof that it's Lily. Only then will I accept her death." She finished her voice as cold as ice, eyes narrowed at the woman. She then turned sharply on her head and stalked back out to the graveyard. Finding and sitting next to Lily's grave._

 _"_ _I will never give up on you baby." She said through tears, "I will find you. I promise you that." She leaned against the stone and started sobbing._

"PENCILS DOWN!" Devan snapped back to reality. Her mid-term. Shit! She looked down at her test sheet and saw it was soaked in her tears, she had been crying as she relived those horrid days. The students were slowly filing out of the hall, but she remained seated, still caught up in all her emotions. Still unable to put her pen down as it remained gripped in her right hand, knuckles white as she started at the paper.

"Devan?" A gentle voice startled her and she jumped, looking up she came face to face with her professor. "What's going on?" He asked, Devan had spoken with him about her depression and anxiety at the start to the semester but he didn't know about Lily.

She bit her lip and shook her head "No" She muttered softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly.

"Don't know" She replied with the same soft voice.

"How about we go to my office and figure out a way for you to make up this mark and see if you're up for talking. That sound good?" He asked gently.

"Yeah, thanks Professor Reid." She gave him a small smiled of appreciation.

"Perfect." He smiled letting her exit her desk and following her to his office. He locked the door so they wouldn't be disturbed. "So, the mid-term is a big part of your grade, but something's up with you. I need to know what it is so we can so a makeup exam or assignment."

Devan gulped and took a shaky breath. "Today is the 11th anniversary of when my girlfriend was kidnapped in front of me."

The professor's eyes went wide, "Devan!" He scoffed "You could've asked for a different date, holy hell. I'm scheduling you a fucking make up exam next month. You're not mentally stable to take a mid-term let alone study for another one. I'm sending an email out to all your other professors. Go back to your place, you're in no shape for test taking. Take care of yourself. There's no fucking way this can be easy."

"Thank you Professor Reid." She managed a smile.

"No problem at all, now go home and get school out of your head for the rest of the day." He said shooing her out of the office.

Devan couldn't get Lily out of her mind the entire bus ride back to her apartment about 20 minutes off campus. She unlocked her door and thew her keys in the bowl. Her loft apartment was small but she could afford it and she was used to small living quarters, she loved the loft, an open concept are with a balcony that wasn't included in the price because her landlord was a pretty nice and lenient person when it came to rent fees. She threw her school bag on an old love seat and threw of her clothes stripping completely and throwing on a pair of short shorts a small tank and then dug through a well sealed rubbermaid tub that was stored in the closet, pulling out Lily's orange hoodie, her stuffed bear and squirrel, and a blanket she used to own. She curled up on her bed in the sweater clutching the stuffed animals to her chest and trying to get a whiff of Lily off them. They hadn't smelt like her for years but she still tried. She looked at the pandora box sitting on her presser containing the ring Lily had gotten her so many years ago. She barely wore it for fear of loosing it or damaging it.

She wrapped the blanket around herself an laid on he pillow, tears running down her face as she remembered the wonderful memories with her girlfriend.

"I know you're still out there baby. And I am still waiting for you."

* * *

 **I really hope this one is well liked I'm really enjoying writing this one. More to come soon and don't worry Devan and Lily will be reunited. It just may take some time.**


	3. Newfound Freedom

**I'M BACK!**

 **I revised my plan changing up a few things but those things haven't happened yet so it doesn't affect the previous chapters. Here we have Bucky/Lily bonding and Natasha/Lily bonding. Nothing romantic just some BROTPs.**

* * *

Clint made a smooth landing gently landing the jet on the ground of the hanger in the base. "Ladies and gentlemen we have made a successful landing at Avengers base. I hope you enjoyed the flight and choose to fly Air Hawkeye again." He quipped into the comm system earring groans from all the other Avengers.

Bucky walked over to Lily who was still curled up on the bench. He gently put a hand on her shoulder. "Wake up kid, we're back at base." She yawned, her eyes fluttering open, she sat up and stretched her wings out. "So, what now?" She asked softly playing with her hands.

"Well first we're getting that anklet off you, restricting your powers can damage your body." He said, "then the doctors will want to do a basic physical on you, nothing invasive. We've radioed ahead and explained the situation. The doctors are good friends and team mates, they've done the same for me and Natasha can sit in with you if you feel nervous." He explained.

"Could you? I-I know I knew you, but I-I just cant remember" She trailed off biting her lip trying to remember her past but she couldn't seem to break that block the mind wiping had put on her mind.

"Hey, it's okay kid, the memories will come back, slowly, but they will." He smiled gently. "And sure I can sit in. Now let's go." He held out his hand and gave her a smiled. She smiled back and took it. He pulled her up and lead her off the jet.

"Lily, this is Dr. Bruce Banner, he'll be checking you out and he's been subjected to experiments himself so he just wants to make sure you're healthy." Bucky explained to her and she nodded.

"Welcome Miss. Ducasse" Bruce smiled gently at her, I do want to take some blood just to look at your genetics and how your powers work, also it may lead to us being able to locate your family and part of your past." He explained.

"Okay" She nodded. "Follow me." He smiled and turned walking into the facility and Lily followed, already liking the look of the base, it was above ground, it had bright open windows, and the walls were white, they may be a boring colour but they were so bright compared to the grey concert room she was kept in at Hydra's base.

"I must admit I'm curious about your wings but I don't have to do anything with them if you don't want me to." Bruce said as he, Lily, and Bucky walked up to the door of the lab. "I guess you can have a look at them." She shrugged, "Lily. You have control over your life now, you can say no if you want to." Bucky reminded her.

"How about later, after your mental evaluations?" Bruce suggested, leading the two metal armed assassins into a smaller room connected to the lab. "Thought you'd feel more comfortable not surrounded by lab equipment." He smiled gently.

"Yeah." She nodded, "Thank you."

"No problem, just take a seat and I'll be back with some supplies to draw blood." Bruce said and left to go to the lab.

"You feeling okay?" Bucky asked Lily who sat in an office chair.

"I really don't know, everything is just kinda overwhelming." She shrugged.

"Yeah." He nodded, "It can be a little hard but don't worry, you've got all of us by your side." She sent her a smile.

"So, uh, what happened to you after you got out?" She asked him.

"I was on the run for a while, didn't know who I was or where I came from. Slowly started remembering my past life. I was in the army in the 40s and fought in world war two against Hydra, alongside Steve. Steve eventually found me and brought me back to base. Some of the avengers were wary around me but they started to understand what I was going though. Steve and I started dating, since we were when I first got taken by Hydra, but we couldn't let people know, since it was the 40s." He laughed lightly having started to remember his and Steve's early history recently.

Lily looked deep in though, "I, I feel off for some reason, as soon as you mentioned Steve as your boyfriend. Like, like I'm missing someone." She frowned not being able to shake the feeling.

Bucky was conflicted but decided to not tell Lily about her girlfriend, let Lily remember on her own or tell her once he and Steve located her. Lily's girlfriend may have moved on, passed away, or they might not be able to find her.

"You'll remember eventually kid." He said gently. Putting a hand on her shoulder, "Don't worry it comes back in time, I've been out for a little over 4 years, they only had you for 10 and me around 70, I remember mostly almost everything not so it's only a matter to time kid"

"Why do you keep calling me kid?" She questioned

"I remember when you first came to Hydra, you didn't say much until they started with you. You were around 16 to 17. I tried to calm you and talk to you. But you were too scared." He explained

"Oh" She mumbled.

"Okay, finally found the tourniquet" Bruce said walking back into the room with a box of medical equipment. Both Lily and Bucky went pale seeing all the devices, remembering what Hydra did to them.

"Relax Lily, I'm only gonna be drawing some blood, that's it." He said. "Also I would like to take some MRI scans and CAT scans. To see what your cybernetics extend to. Just incase something happens to your arm and it needs to be repaired." He explained.

"Okay" She nodded. "Okay, basic physical." Bruce said, "And they will want to test out your physical abilities, but you can do that with Barnes or Rogers any day."

"Lots of tests here huh?" She asked.

"We want to cover our bases and know almost everything. After that you're free to rome the compound but until we're sure your mental condition is stable I think it's the best to keep you here. I'm basing this off of what Barnes was like when he first got here and his mental status was unstable, he was a danger to civilization. Until he was mentally stable he was confined to the compound and that's what we're gonna do with you. I don't want you to feel trapped, you're free to do whatever you want." Bruce explained.

"Makes sense." She nodded, "I don't mind that, this is already way better treatment thank Hydra." She smiled.

"It's way better." Bucky smiled leaning back in his chair. "I'll get you hooked up with a phone and laptop so we can show you how the world has progressed. Tech has gotten so much better"

She smiled at his sentiment, already feeling like she made the right choice agreeing to go with Bucky.

"Okay, can you take you shirt off?" Bruce asked Lily politely. She nodded and pulled the tank top over her head and then proceeded to struggle as it got caught on her left wing

"Here, let me help." Bucky got up and maneuvered her wing out the hold cut for it making sure to not hurt Lily in the process.

"Thanks" She smiled gently as she finished pulling it off her head.

"No problem kid" He smiled gently sitting back down as Bruce soon took his place and started doing a routine exam on Lily.

* * *

2 hours later of scans and exams Lily was sitting back on the exam table waiting for Bruce to come back with the results Natasha was attempting to brush out her matted hair. Taking over for Bucky since he had to go with Steve and Sam to debrief.

"We might have to cut it short and wait for it to grow out again." Natasha sighed, "There's no chance of getting your hair untangled." She put the brush down and leaned back. "Hope you like short hair."

"I don't really care." Lily shrugged.

"You'll look great with short hair, I think." She smiled, "But it'll eventually grow out if you want it longer." She said getting up and walking towards the desk grabbing some scissors. "I'll cut it off now while we're waiting, I just got a text from Bruce and he's going to be another twenty minutes.

"Why does matted hair even matter?" Lily questioned.

"It's really unhealthy for your scalp, can cause mold to grown and general disgustingness." She smiled. "I've had experience cutting hair short, don't worry I'll make you look good" She held up the scissors and snipped them in the air with a smirk.

"Okay, I think I'd like it long enough to pull back eventually." Lily nodded.

"Yo'll figure out your preferences for everything soon." Natasha smiled trying to pull Lily's hair apart to find where the mattes were and how high up they went. "I might be able to salvage some of the mattes and get you to ponytail length but it'll take some work, and Clint. He's good with hair too." She sighed. "You okay with this?" She asked wanting to give Lily freedom of choice.

"Yeah." She nodded. "It'd be nice to get rid of something that they did to me."

"Perfect." Natasha smiled gently. "I'm going to cut it just below your shoulders, and then you'll need to have a shower because Hydra did not take care of you and you'll feel great after cleaning off your skin from all the gunk and grease." She spread out Lily's hair and started chopping away at the mattes, chunks of hair falling beside her as the masses slowly fell away.

"There, not too bad." She smiled gathering the clumps of hair and throwing them away grabbing the brush and flipping her phone to the front facing camera and holding it up for her to see. "How's that look?" She asked

"I like it." Lily smiled seeing her shorter hair and liking that it felt lighter.

"It suites your face." Natasha smiled, "It's still a little matted at the ends so it might be a little painful trying to brush that through but I'm going to wait until we get some product in there. It'll help with the detangling."

"Okay." Lily nodded, already liking Natasha

The door to the exam room opened and Bruce walked in pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Okay I've got all the results back. Sorry it took so long. I wanted to run the tests myself so no other personal would see the information linked to you. Oh hey Nat." He noticed the red head finally looking up from his files. "And Lily's hair is shorter. Looks nice." He smiled

"Uhh, thanks." Lily said slowly, not used to all the praise. Bruce laughed and sat down in the office chair next to the desk opening the files and pulling out some films.

"You want me to stay?" Natasha asked Lily, not knowing if she wanted to be along with Bruce to find out the test results or be with someone other than the doctor.

"Stay, please?" Lily asked, Natasha smiled and nodded leaning against the wall as Bruce put the films up on an illuminated wall.

"Well to start off. You're in exceptional physical health besides a little bit of dehydration and your hair and wings being matted but that can be fixed easily. From your blood tests I can confirm that you were born with a dormant x-gene which was activated when they started experimenting on you and it was enhanced by the double douse of super soldier serum you received. Do you remember you powers?" He asked

"Uhh, My wings, I can move things with my mind, I can sometimes hear peoples thoughts, I can turn invisible, and sometimes I end up shooting energy blasts or something." She shrugged.

"That's a lot of abilities for one person to have, but it does look like your genes was enhanced beyond the normal x-gene so that's to be expected. I've got a tech expert working on getting that anklet off you so you wont be retained from your powers." He said flipping through the pages. "You're scheduled for a mental evaluation later this afternoon, in a few hours so Barnes or Nat can take you on a tour of the facility if you'd like. They're still making up a room for you, we're kinda short staffed here."

"Okay" Lily nodded, showing her understanding so far.

"Next are the scans we did, physically it looks like there's a bit of brain damage due to the years of brainwashing and wiping you endured." He said turning to the CT scans he took. "See these two wide black gaps near the centre." He pointed to two narrow black lines near the centre of the brain. "That singles that you most likely have epilepsy, so we'll have to keep an eye on you just incase you seize, Bucky does have epilepsy too so I wouldn't be surprised if you developed it too. If you start feeling weird or sense something odd, let someone know, just incase."

"Okay" Lily nodded, giving short answers not wanting to interrupt Bruce that much.

"There's also small signs of depression, PTSD, and anxiety, but those will most likely progress as you start to remember things and progress through therapy."

Lily nodded singling him to continue.

"Moving onto your cybernetics" Bruce threw up the X-RAY scans of Lily's left shoulder and chest. "Obviously it's connected into brain tissue and it looks like they put metal plating just above your breast bone and being your rib cage over your spine on your back to secure your arm into place. If what Barnes told me was right and you arrived at Hydra already missing your arm you could've had an infection or damage to your chest that they repaired haphazardly. Doesn't look bad but a little rough, but your muscles may be strained because of the weight of your arm. So I can get you a massage therapist on call for whenever you feel like your muscles are tight." He put up a new film of her back showing the back plate and where her wings connected into her spine. "You wings connect around the middle of your spine and they look to have developed naturally so nothing to worry about that but it does look like you have mild scoliosis, most likely to be caused by the weight of you arm. That's about everything I got. I'll make copies and have them sent to your room to look over later f you want to." He smiled pulling the films down and gathering all the files putting them away. "You're free to go."

"Thanks Bruce." Natasha smiled, "What a tour Lily, or to check if your room is ready?" She asked.

"I-I don't know." She was starting to feel overwhelmed from all the newfound freedom.

"See if your room is good, get you showered and cleaned up and then explore the facility" Natasha suggested

"Sure." Lily nodded, getting off the table standing next to Natasha who snorted.

"For a deadly assassin, you're tiny." She smiled and Lily glared crossing her arms in annoyance, her 5'5 figure against Natasha's 5'7 one.

"Come on." The red head smiled, "Let's go find Bucky." She lead Lily back through the lab and then through the halls of the base. "Looks like you're in room 9." Natasha said checking her phone, and it's just about ready." She smiled. The two women arrived at the housing quarters of the base and found room 9. "You're in-between Bucky and Wanda. You'll meet her later, she's also a fellow Hydra experiment." Natasha explained and Lily nodded, "Put your right hand on the scanner." Natasha pointed at the hand print reader next to the door. "It's so you'll only have access to your room and you can choose what others can put their prints in to get in if you have a nightmare or a panic attack or just need someone." She explained. Lily nodded and placed her flesh hand on the reader and watched as the system take in her hand print and program her door to recognize it.

She heard the door unlock and turned the handle, walking in and gasping at the sight. There were ceiling to floor windows along the far facing wall letting sunlight flow into the room, a large queen sized bed against the wall on the left side of the room. Dresser on the right side with a flat screen TV above it and book cases on either side of the dresser. Two doors in the room, one leading to a personal bathroom and another to a large walk in closet with a custom weapons rack for when she would be granted permission to carry weapons around the facility.

"You like it?" Natasha asked standing beside Lily who couldn't take the shocked look off her face.

"It-it's amazing." She grinned. "It's so bright and open." She smiled walking over to the windows pressing her hand to the glass and jumping back when it disappeared.

"You have a personal patio, for when you just need to stand outside and be free from the confines, there's a path that leads to a group patio where we sometimes have barbecue dinners together as a team for bonding and celebrating, but it's always optional if you're not feeling up to it you don't have to." She smiled. "The compound it fenced and always under surveillance, so just don't wander too far off. You can also lock the glass from opening if you worry about yourself sleep walking. Tony can come by and explain all the features since he designed it all." She smiled.

"Now." She opened the door to the bathroom. "Let's get you cleaned up and changed out of those clothes so we can burn them." Lily smiled lightly and nodded following Natasha into the bathroom, ready to wash the feeling of Hydra off her skin.

* * *

 **Fairly long chapter. I've been struggling in school lately because of difficult teachers so I've lost a lot of** **motivation but I've found my writing passion again hoping to continue this and other storied more frequently but I can't promise anything because with the summer coming up I have work and softball and I usually work full time in summers to make money to spend at my local conventions.**

 **Reviews** **are always encouraged and appreciated!**


	4. No More

Hi guys. I know I haven't been updating lately but I'm sad to say that Endurance will forever remain unfinished. I was writing it for my girlfriend, but we've now broken up and I can't continue.

"Thank you for all your support. Other stories are being worked on. Updates are still unpredictable.


	5. Venting

**Just a poem I wrote about the emotions I've been feeling throughout the past few days (I've never written poetry before so forgive me)**

* * *

How can you expect me to give up?

You're posting about how this week had been hard for you.

It wouldn't be that hard if you talked to me.

We would still be together if you just talked to me instead of blindsiding me.

I've barely eaten since.

I've dehydrated myself with tears.

I've screamed my throat raw with anger and pain.

I've nearly gotten into an accident because I can't drive to work without sobbing.

I've been sent home from work early because of a breakdown.

I've failed a test because I can't think about anything but you.

My love

How does two years lead to nothing?

How does two years lead to "I'm not happy"?

How does two years lead to "I want someone to drink with"?

How does it take a week for you to decide that two years was for nothing?

How did you go from planning a future with me to dumping me without warning?

How am I expected to not fight for my love?

How can you expect me to accept this?

How am I supposed to accept the loss of the love of my life?

How am I not expected to fight?


	6. Chapter & Ideas That are Half Finished

**I just realized I have around 6 documents of unpublished work that I did for this story and since I'm clearing my laptop of everything that I wrote for my girlfriend I thought I might as well post these because even though I was near hyperventilating when rereading these I am very proud of my writing so I'm gonna post them but beware, most are unfinished and aren't very long.**

 **Order of documents  
** **3 different approaches for how Lily and Devan reunited  
** **The beginning of Lily reuniting with her parents  
** **Lily having a nightmare and chaos ensues after  
** **Lily getting injured on a mission and Devan taking care of her after she comes home**

* * *

 **First Version of The Reunion  
Word Count: 3,542**

Devan took a deep breath facing the dark alley that would lead to her being home in minutes. She straightened her back and clutched the pepper spray that was in he purse. She was almost home from work. She just needed to make it through this alley. She hated being a woman at this point and time. Scared to walk along at night, fearful of an attack and then no one believing her.

She started down the alley and was almost though to the lit street on the other side when someone grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She hit the brick wall of one of the buildings. She froze, too scared to think of what to do.

"What's a pretty lady like you doing there late at night?" The man asked

"Walking home from work." She said in a hard voice having found her confidence.

"Not tonight sweetheart." Another man said walking into her field of vision. More men walked out of the shadows, five in total she counted. She took a breath trying not to panic.

"Let me go." She demanded

"Who's going to make us." The man holding her asked.

Devan gasped as a figure dropped into the middle of the circle of men from seemingly no where, landing silently. "I am." The figure spoke in a feminine voice

"Oh yeah? And what will you do if we let her go?" One of the men sneered.

"Let you live." She said calmly and then turned landing a solid left hook to his face sending him flying backwards.

Devan watched in awe as this woman took down all the men with little to no effort. She froze when she saw one of the men get up and pull a knife. "LOOK OUT!" She screamed at the person. She froze turning towards Devan and the man slashed at her left arm. It made a metallic screeching sound. She turned towards him and picked him up throwing him against the wall so he landed on top of the pile with the other men.

The woman then walked over to Devan, "You okay? They didn't do anything did they?" She asked concerned.

"No you got here just in ti-Oh my god you're bleeding!" She screamed, blood was running from her stomach from a tear in her sweatshirt. The woman looked down and cursed in a language that Devan didn't recognize.

"Must've not felt it." She muttered to herself.

"Here, let me take you back to my place. I have a first aid kit and basic medical training. It's the least I can do after you saved me." She offered, she looked over the woman, just a little shorter than herself, probably around 5'7, defiantly muscular, her sweatshirt could only hide so much, her hood was obstructing her face and her voice sounded faintly familiar for some reason.

"I'll be okay, but I wouldn't mind a small rest." She replied and Devan could tell she was smiling. Devan smiled back and went to step forward but almost screamed in pain as her ankle gave out under her, the woman caught her and held her up.

"You must've twisted it when they grabbed you. I can carry you back to your apartment, just tell me where to go." She said.

"No you're not carrying me after you just saved my life and got stabbed because of it." Devan protested.

"I've been stabbed more than my fair share of times and this is my repayment for your hospitality and my knowledge that walking around on a broken ankle fucking sucks.

"Fine." Devan relented and then let out a squeak as the woman easily swept her up in her arms bridal style. Hard muscle against her skin. Fuck, this woman was like Captain America or something, she was shocked that someone could carry her at all. She wasn't small at all.

Devan directed the woman back to her apartment, got her keys out, unlocked the door, and directed the woman to put her down on the couch.

"The first aid kit is under the sink, grab it and I can at least do something about the bleeding." Devan said putting a pillow under her ankle.

"I need to tell you something first Devan." The woman said gently.

"How do you know my name?" Devan asked hesitantly now kicking herself for letting the woman into her home.

The women pulled down her hood, dirty blonde hair tumbled down to stick in it's messy ponytail, some of it sticking out in all places. Devan remembered that shade. That exact shade, and her eyes. Beautiful hazel eyes that didn't shine as bright as Lily's had.

"Wh-who are you?" She asked in a panic.

"Devan, it's me Lily. I'm alive" She said with a smile

"Prove it. What's our song? When's our dating anniversary? What's the story of our first kiss?" Devan was beyond pissed, this could be someone playing a cruel prank on her.

"I-I don't remember, please you have to believe me." She begged Devan. "I don't remember our times together but I remember how you made me feel. How I made you feel. Please. It's me, I'm Lily."

"No you're not. Get out of my house! You're not Lily! Lily would remember our song, our anniversary and when she first kissed me!" Devan screamed at her tears dripping down her cheeks as she remembered her girlfriend.

"Please, please, pl-p-ple" Lily broke down into sobs. Collapsing to the ground starting to hyperventilate as she tried to speak but nothing came out that Devan could make out. Seeing the woman breakdown made Devan stop. That was the exact way Lily would break down into a panic attack. Start sobbing so hard you couldn't understand her and then start to hyperventilate.

"I-I remember the ring I got you. I-it wa-was a chr-christ-mas gift" She continued to sob.

"Oh my god Lily!" Devan threw herself at Lily wrapping her arms around her previously thought dead girlfriend. She started sobbing at the news, trying to breath she caught a breath of Lily's scent. It was different and yet had that familiar touch to it. this was Lily. Her one and only love.

The two woman sobbed into each others arms for a solid half hour, each trying to calm the other down. They ended up leaning against the couch holding each other.

"Oh my god! You got stabbed. You need to have that covered. Holy fuck! Lily!"

"Devan, relax. Don't worry I'm okay. I've had worse." Lily said gently.

"Are you sure?" She asked

"I'm sure, how about I get you some ice for your ankle and some water for the both of us and I can tell you everything I remember happening to me after the car accident." Lily suggested.

"Okay." Devan said gently. Lily smiled helping her onto the couch again and then going to the kitchen, returning with an plastic bag of ice, two glasses of water and the first aid kit.

"So you're gonna let me patch you up?" Devan asked not able to get the smile off her face. Lily had returned to her. After 11 years. She knew it, Lily wasn't dead, she was back. Alive and healthy and had somehow turned into a muscular ninja.

"So, what happened to you?" Devan asked as Lily didn't answer the question and placed the ice on Devan's ankle and started wrapping it.

"A lot, some I remember, some I don't." She sighed, "You'll learn about my fucked up memory and how it happened when I tell you." She finished wrapping Devan's ankle and sat next to her on the couch, Devan leaning into her right arm.

"I was taken by a trafficking ring, not the sex kind." She said seeing the horror on Devan's face at the mention of the ring. "Their clients would pay for items to torture the captives with, meaning me. I remember belts, knives, burns, and non-lethal shots." She felt Devan wrap her arms around her and squeeze tight. "I remember someone paying just around 5 million dollars to personally amputate my already badly damaged left arm. They were a surgeon, the reason my captors agreed to it knowing I wouldn't bleed out."

"But your left arm, you have it." Devan said confused.

"I'll get to that." She sighed, "It was around 8 months later, I learned quick to play up the pain and it would be over with quick. FBI agents came in kicking down the door to the cell I was being kept in. Told me they were there to rescue me from the hell I was in, but they took me to a worse one. Hydra." She said trying to keep herself together for retelling these memories. "Hydra is the organization that created the Winter Soldier, but they wanted insurance, incase he died, went rogue, or they needed two in different countries at the same time." She gulped, "They sawed off the remaining portion of my left arm and fused a cybernetic replacement to my body. Then they wiped all the memories from my brain then they programmed and brainwashed me to be their toy puppet and all for them. I was trained by the Winter Soldier himself. Given two doses of the super soldier serum because it awakened a dormant mutant gene and they wanted me to be as powerful as I could." She took a shaky breath as a few tears dripped down her face.

"They replaced your arm." Devan said trying to understand the information she just just given. Lily nodded mutely and looked away in shame, pulling her left arm close not wanting Devan to see the weapon fused to her body.

"Can I see it?" She asked gently, Lily nodded and unzipped her hoodie, pulling it off along with the glove covering her metal hand. Devan gasped seeing the metal replace Lily's flesh. "Oh my god." She reached out to touch it but them flinched away from it. Tears flowed down Lily's cheeks as she saw the reaction. She was right, Devan wanted nothing to do with her.

"No no Lily please. I love you. I have for years. Never giving up hope that you'd come home to me. Just, just this isn't exactly how I pictured it." She sighed. Placing a hand on Lily's cheek. "This is just new to me, I don't like the idea of the metal. That it's replacing your old arm, but now I know that you lost it in that accident. I'm not mad at you, I'm not upset with you. I'm just in a little shock right now." Devan said not wanting to upset Lily right now.

"Right, I get it, you're used to 16 year old me right?"

"Yeah." Devan nodded, "But I get that you've changed, you've grown up like I have. I just need to get used to it." She smiled gently and Lily smiled back

Devan looked down and saw the blood slowly trickling from the tear in Lily's shirt. "Can I fix that now? I don't like seeing you hurt."

"Okay" Lily sighed and pulled her shirt over her head. Devan gasped at Lily's body, she was fucking ripped, muscles stood on muscles, and she gasped again seeing the piles of feathers curled up on Lily's back.

"Are those what I think they are?" She asked pointing at Lily's wings.

"Yeah." She nodded and stretched them out behind her, black feathers glistening in the light.

"Can I touch them? Devan asked. Lily smiled and nodded, Devan slowly ran her fingers down the feathers, "They're beautiful." She smiled, "But how'd you get them?"

"My awakened mutant gene." Lily explained and Devan nodded and went back to staring at Lily's muscles.

"I don't know if you remember but I have a huge thing for biceps and holy fuck do you look amazing" She trailed off staring at Lily who let a small giggle loose and blushed heavily.

"Devan, look. I know you remember me from my 17 year old self. But I'm not that person anymore. I-I have a lot of mental issues now because of the ring and what Hydra did to me." She sighed

Devan frowned, Lily didn't deserve to be haunted by traumatic events from her past, her mind shouldn't be trying to destroy her. "What issues are there? What have you been diagnosed with?"

"In short, clinical depression, anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, PTSD, night terrors, body dysmorphia. I suffer from frequent flashbacks in which I'm unpredictable and could attack the nearest person possibly killing them, and I was put on suicide watch for a month 2 weeks after I was rescued." Lily listed off and Devan couldn't cover the look of horror on her face of what Lily's mind had been twisted and destroyed.

"You tried to kill yourself?" She asked tears pooling in her eyes at the thought of Lily leaving her again.

"I didn't necessarily try to kill myself, but what I was trying to do would have killed me in the process." She sighed. Eyes shifting to Devan and then going into a full explanation. "It stretches from the body dysmorphia I've been diagnosed with. 2 weeks after I was rescued and starting to remember what I had done under Hydra's control I started to hate my arm because of what I had done with it and how many I have killed with it. I locked myself in the bathroom connected to my room and tried to cut my arm off with a combat knife that I had spent over an hour sharpening. I was bleeding pretty badly when I started to pass out from blood loss. I was lucky Bucky had sensed something off and decided to check up on me. He found me and got medical. I was deemed mentally stable a month later and allowed around weapons." She sighed, her right hand dancing around the scars on her left shoulder.

"Oh baby!" Devan hugged Lily tight and kissed her cheek. "Look, I may not be a fan of the arm but that doesn't mean I won't get used to it. I'm not used to it so I don't really like it." Devan told her gently. "But that doesn't mean anything. It you're arm it's part of your body. You were forced to do those things with it baby." Devan hugged her again and then looked down at Lily's torso again, hands dancing above her skin where scars littered her skin. "Wait, I should've asked. Are you okay with touch? Is it okay if I touch you?"

"I love it actually." Lily smiled, "I'm extremely touch starved from 11 years of not being held."

"That settles it. You're staying her for tonight and I'm not letting you go." Devan smiled wrapping her arms around Lily and Lily instinctively snuggled into her. "God I've fucking missed you" Devan murmured resting her chin on top of Lily's head and letting tears of happiness flow.

"I can't remember all of our times together but I know how you make me feel and you're making me feel that. I haven't felt anything in years, and as soon as I remembered you. I felt so happy, warm, and almost like I was reborn." She smiled feeling Devan's arms around her.

"I can smell your scent. It's changed slightly but it's still you." Devan grinned breathing in deeply and taking in her scent. "I'm so happy you're alive." Devan laughed and hugged her tight. She started giggling pulling away. "Holy fuck have you gained a lot of muscle." She said running her hand down Lily's toned torso. She couldn't help but bite her lips looking over Lily in just a sports bra and pants.

"Easy there tiger." Lily laughed giving Devan a small shove, "I need to stop the bleeding from my stab wound." Devan pouted but got off her and handed the first aid kit to Lily. Lily reached for it but Devan pulled it back. "Ah" She grinned, "I have a price if you're up for it." She grinned.

"What is it?" Lily asked trying to read Devan but not being able to tell where she was going.

"I want a kiss." She smiled gently and Lily smiled. "I'm more than willing for that." She leaned in and the two sealed their lips together. Devan immediately wrapped her arms around Lily pulling her close missing her lips for so many years and finally getting to taste them again. Lily gasped and pulled back shaking her head and blinking hard.

"You okay? Was something wrong?" Devan asked concerned. Lily grinned, "Good? Everything's great! Devan! I remember everything!" She grinned.

"Everything?!" Devan asked excitement filling her voice.

"The big parts, I remember how I was supper petty over a video game and kissed you to try and win, we started dating after that. Our song is Your Guardian Angel and I continued to try and sing it even though I'm horribly tone deaf, and our anniversary is August eleventh, we celebrated our first year at my place. That ring, I refused to tell you anything about it until I gave it to you." She couldn't stop smiling as holes in her memory were starting to fill.

Devan tackled Lily with a hug and both of them laughed as they fell off the couch and on to the floor.

"Fuck" Devan hissed in pain.

Lily got up and looked at Devan concerned, "What is it? Are you okay?"

"My ankle" Devan said gritting her teeth in pain. Lily frowned and got up. "Come here." She scooped Devan up bridal style. Devan yelped in shock and then giggled.

"I still can't believe that you can pick me up."

"Dev." Lily laughed, "My max bench is around 1 to 1 and a half tonnes, you're like a feather." She laughed again at the look of shock on Devan's face. "Remember love, I have two doses of the super soldier serum and my arm."

"You think I could still carry you?" Devan asked

"I don't know love, I'm around 200 pounds now because of muscle mass, the arm, and my wings, plus, I'm taller than I use to be, not I'm only a little shorter than you now." She grinned and Devan pouted at that, she didn't like that Lily was taller now, she liked her short cute girlfriend from 11 years ago, but it was something she could defiantly get used to, she was just being petty.

* * *

 **Second Version of The Reunion  
Word Count: 1,195**

Devan sighed in relaxation, leaning back on her mound of pillows with her laptop in front of her, Netflix playing in the background as she sipped her tea and let herself fall into relaxation. Exams were done, school was over for the summer and she had already managed to find a good job with a decent income to continue paying rent and tuition with the help of her parents and some loans.

She frowned when she heard knocking at the door, checking her phone is was almost midnight. She got up throwing some shorts on heading to her door, she kept the chain on and opened the door, gasping as she saw a young woman in a black hoodie, stray strands of brunette hair covering her face, the hoodie was cut and ripped, she saw some slashes on the girls torso and some on her legs as well. She closed her door and quickly took off the chain, throwing open the door,

"Holy fuck are you okay? You need to get to a hospital!" She was frantic wondering why this woman had shown up at her apartment, she'd taken some first aid courses when she was training to be a lifeguard but eventually quit halfway through, she wouldn't be able to help this girl.

"No hospital, please. Can I just, come in?" The woman was hesitant and there was something distantly familiar about her voice.

"No! Holy fuck you're bleeding and it looks like you've been stabbed, I'm taking you to the hospital." Devan went to grab her keys but the woman spoke up again sounding a little more confidant.

"No, I've been in worse situations, I'm okay. I just, I need to show you something, please can I come in? I promise I won't hurt you."

"Take your hood off then and show me your face." Devan retorted, not wanting to let a complete stranger into her home.

"I can't, at least, not out here. There's cameras." The woman sighed.

"You running from someone?" Devan questioned

"Yes and they'll find me soon if you don't let me in." She was starting to grow impatient.

"Fine." Devan stepped aside letting the woman in, getting the keypad on her phone to call for help at the first sign of danger. She closed and locked her apartment door. "There, not tell me who you are."

"I'm not sure if you'll believe me." The woman said, voice softer than before sounding almost, afraid.

"Well I can't believe anything if you don't tell or show me." Devan huffed in annoyance.

The woman slowly pulled her hood back more stray strands of hair falling into her face, the rest of her brown hair tied back in a messy ponytail. Devan gasped seeing her eyes, those hazel eyes, those hazel eyes she yearned to see one more time for 12 fucking years. Lily's eyes, "No." He breathing was starting to quicken as she felt panic build in her chest. "You can't be. Y-y-you-'v-ve been g-g-oo-n f-f-or so-so lo-lon-ng." Her stutter was starting to fuck with her speech.

Lily sighed, "My name is Lily Diane Ducasse, I'm 28 years old and I've been missing for 12 years. You're my girlfriend, Devan Cara Dwyer we were dating at the time when I went missing. That's all I know, that's all I remember. I went through some fucked up shit, it fucked me up really badly, but I remembered you. I get that you've most likely moved on by now but you're the key to my past, the key to me finding out who I am and where I come from." She kept her eyes locked on the microwave clock just past Devan's head, she couldn't bring herself to look the woman she remembered loving in the eye.

"Your right elbow, let me see it." Devan said trying to fight away a panic attack.

Lily frowned not seeing any relevance to it but complied, rolling up the right sleeve of her hoodie, revealing a small circular scar on the outside of her elbow.

Devan gulped and too a step forward, running her hand over the small bump on Lily's skin. "You got it when you were 11, fell on roller blades, but continued on till you noticed a trail of blood behind you. You used to tell me that story every time I touched it. I've been waiting for you to come back, I always knew you were alive and would find your way back to me." She smiled gently tears starting to run down her face. She was right, Lily was alive, and Lily had found her.

"Come on." Devan said gently, "Let's get you cleaned up and then we can talk and you can tell me what the hell happened to you." Devan lead Lily to the kitchen where she wet a cloth. "Okay, take that mess of a sweatshirt off."

Lily bit her lip and started playing with her hands, Devan only noticed now that her left hand was gloved. "I'm fine really, I'd rather keep it on." Devan only just discovered she was alive, how would she react to a metal arm and wings on top of that?

"Lil? What's wrong? Why is your hand gloved?" Devan asked concerned wondering why Lily looked so panicked at the thought of taking her sweatshirt off.

"They did things to me, changed me." Lily mumbled squeezing her left hand with her right.

"Lily, I don't care. I one hundred percent get that you most likely have trauma left over because you were kidnapped, but that's all I know. I remember seeing you getting dragged to a van after the crash, unconscious and arm hanging from your body." Devan put a hand on Lily's shoulder, noticing that Lily was taller that before, she used to be 5'1, but she looked to be around 5'5 now. She frowned slightly at the height change, wondering what could've been done to Lily to make her gain 4 inches in height after she stopped growing.

"Please don't freak out." Lily begged her, fearing Devan would run once she saw her new body.

"I promise you." Devan said gently. Lily nodded satisfied with that, she slowly unzipped the hoodie, pulling the glove from her hand and slipping the hoodie off, wincing as she heard Devan's gasp at her arm and wings that stretched out from her back.

Devan stood in utter shock at Lily's appearance, not only had she gained 4 inches in height but, she also had a metal arm and wings? Fucking wings?!

"Lily!" She gasped. "What in the ever loving fuck happened to you?!"

" A lot." Was all Lily could respond with.

"Well no fuck." Devan rolled her eyes. "You don't have to tell me everything if you're not comfortable, I just want to know what happened to you during those 12 years." She said seeing Lily's terrified look and wince at her reaction.

"Can we sit down?" Lily asked softly.

"Of course." Devan nodded, leading Lily over to her small couch below the loft and sat the both of them down.

* * *

 **Third Version of The Reunion  
Word Count: 2,439  
Very similar to the first version**

Devan was walking home from a late shift, clutching her purse close to her and keeping her jacket wrapped tight around her body. Taking a deep breath she made her way down the dark alley between apartment buildings as a shortcut back to her place. She let out a small yelp of fear when she felt someone grab her arm. She floundered felling her ankle give out from under her as she panicked and tried to get away.

"Not to fast my darling." The man grinned pushing her against the side of an apartment building.

"L-lll-ee-t mm-e-ee gg-go" Devan stuttered, trying to push past the fear.

"Nnn-no" The man mocked her with a grin. "Your ours to play with." He grinned and as he said that other men starting walking towards him and Devan and she was starting to feel a panic attack coming on.

"I suggest letting her go before someone gets hurt." A feminine voice spoke up from above them. The group of men and Devan look up to seen a figure standing on the rail of a fire escape above them, she was in dark jeans and a hoodie looking perfectly balanced on the small rail.

"Come down here and make us." One of them men taunted. The woman laughed and jumped from the railing, landing soundlessly on her toes and delivering a roundhouse kick to the challenger, sending him flying into the wall across the alley. That prompted all the other guys to charge her. Devan stayed flat against the brick watching the flurry of motion not being able to tell if the woman was fairing well or not. She winced as some guy was lunched from the fight slamming into the wall, she winced as she heard bones crack but didn't feel bad for the guy considering what he and his friends were planning to do to her.

She turned back to the fight when she heard metal scraping against mental and saw a flash of silver and then heard a grunt of pain. She gasped hoping it wasn't her heroine. She continued to watch as the woman beat down the remaining men tossing them all to the ground.

She stayed against the wall as the woman walked over to her. She noticed the tears in the hoodie and her jeans seeing blood dripping down them.

"You okay?" The woman's voice broke her train of thought and she looked up at the woman's face, she was a little shorter than Devan was, the hood covered her face but she did have some muscle definition showing through the sweatshirt she was wearing.

"I, uh, I think I twisted my ankle, but I'll be okay."

"You're in heeled shoes" The woman pointed out.

"Look you just saved me from those guys, go take care of yourself, you're hurt too." Devan said pushing off the wall and trying to walk away but cried out in pain when her ankle gave out and the other woman caught her, holding her bridal style up to her chest. Devan starred at her in shock, that someone smaller than her could hold her weight.

"Just, let me take you to your place and make sure you're at your door, I wont come in if you don't want me to."

"Fine." Devan relented, realizing she wasn't going to win this argument.

The woman carried Devan to her apartment, following Devan's directions. She got to Devan's apartment, putting her down and letting Devan unlock her door and limp in. Devan bit her lip, "Come on in. I have basic medical training, at least let me repay you for what you've done for me."

"I'm fine, really. I've had worse." She said, sounding hesitant.

"You've proven you're not going to hurt me, come in and let me patch you up." Devan huffed leaning against her door frame.

"Okay." The woman relented, she lead Devan to the couch and sat her down, going back to close and lock the door to the apartment. When she got back to the couch Devan had a fist aid pack open and ready to help her.

"Take your sweatshirt off." She said beckoning the woman forward.

"I" the woman sighed, "there's no easy way to tell you this." Before Devan could question what she was talking about she pulled her hood back, her dirty blond hair tumbling down her back suck in a messy ponytail. Devan gasp her heart jumping to her throat as she saw the woman's eyes. Those hazel eyes she'd been longing to see one more time for 12 years.

"No, it's not possible." Devan chocked out, this couldn't be Lily, her Lily that she'd been waiting 12 years to see again and for her to suddenly show up with the strength of Captain America and the ninja skills of Black Widow. Her Lily was small and always injuring herself because she was uncoordinated.

"I, my name is Lily Diana Ducasse, I'm 28 and I've been missing for 12 years. You're Devan Cara Dwyer, my girlfriend at the time I went missing. That's all I remember, I get that by now you've most likely moved on and I don't want to impose on your new life but I cant remember who I was, who I used to be, and you're my key to that." Lily gulped nervous at how Devan would react.

"Your right elbow, show it to me." Devan said, Lily furrowed her brows in confusion at this request but she did as told, rolling up the sleeve of her sweatshirt to expose a small circular scar on her right elbow, Devan gently ran her fingers over it. "You got this when you were 9, you fell on roller blades, wouldn't shut up about it whenever I touched it." She smiled gently remember holding Lily in her arms and how soft her skin was. Devan felt tears welling up and she got up off the couch and engulfed Lily in a hug, holding close and smiling when she felt Lily wrap her arms around her too, she hurried her face in Lily's neck breathing in her scent, recognizing it instantly and noticing it had the copper tinge of blood scent to it.

"Holy shit, you're hurt!" She realized, releasing Lily and pulling her down to the couch. "Take your jacket off and let me see how bad those gashes are." She said gently and Lily bit her lip, playing with her hands, Devan just noticed that her left one was gloved.

"Lily? What's wrong?" She asked gently seeing her hesitation.

"They did things to me, change my body." Lily said quietly, a whimper coming from her, she kept her eyes glued to the floor, fearing Devan's rejection.

"Let me see." Devan said gently, her calming voice won Lily over and she slowly unzipped the hoodie, taking it off along with the glove and tired not to react to Devan's gasp at the sight of her metal arm.

"How?" Was all Devan could ask, eyes still wide in shock and confusion as to how Lily could have a fully functioning metal prosthetic arm.

"The crash badly damaged my arm, I lost all function to it, the ring amputated it and then hydra decided to fit me with a cybernetic one." Lily explained.

"Ring? Hydra?" Devan asked confused

"After the crash I was taken by a trafficking ring, they had their customers bid on weapons or tools to be used on captives and what captive they wanted it used on. One paid just over 5 million to amputate my arm. He was a trained doctor so they allowed him to do it if he promised I wouldn't die, and I didn't. I was just conscious through the whole thing, passed out from pain as soon as he reached bone, I think it was for the best." Lily explained looking over to see Devan white as a sheet horror covering her face.

"And Hydra?" she was afraid to ask

"They took me from the ring, posed as federal agents and took me to their base, locked me up and started experimenting on me, they discovered I had a dormant mutant gene and tried to awaken it. It woke up when they injected me with the super soldier serum, the same that Captain America has, they gave me a double douse because they wanted to try and give me more power, and I do have a lot of powers but stamina for them is pretty crap, I'm more of a physical fighter because of that, the only real mutation I use on a daily basis are my wings. They developed after the first douse." She stretched out her glossy black wings and looked down seeing Devan looking more shock that ever at the appendages on her back. "They gave me the arm and then wiped my memories, programming me to be their weapon, brainwashing me to do their bidding. I was rescued about 7 months ago and have been in recovery ever since." Lily finished.

"How has that been going?" Devan asked gently.

"Not good, I'm really messed up mentally, I was put on suicide watch after a month of being rescued." She said gently and winced when she saw Devan stiffen in fear.

"Why would you try that?" Devan was at a loss for words, horrified at the thought of losing Lily again.

"I didn't necessarily try to kill myself but what I was doing would've killed me" She took a deep breath and scratched at where metal was fused to flesh, "I tried to cut off my arm, ended up severing a lot of blood vessels, I passed out, Bucky found me and rushed me to medical."

Devan grabbed Lily's hand to stop her from scratching, squeezing it tight and gently running her nails along Lily's forearm, trying to calm her need for scratching.

"I was diagnosed with body dysmorphia after that." Lily continued, "Along with depression, anxiety, PTSD, epilepsy, night terrors, insomnia." Lily sighed, "I'm just really messed up."

"Baby." Devan said gently placing her hand on Lily's cheek feeling pangs of hurt when she felt that Lily's cheek was wet with tears.

"I don't know if you remember this or not but I've had depression and anxiety all my life, I can help you. I tried to move on after you disappeared but I couldn't, I was still in love with you, I always have been. I've always known you'd come back to me, and now you have. After what you've been through I wouldn't expect you to come home mentally unscathed." Lily sniffled and nodded, "I barely remember anything from my past life, but I remember you, and how you made me feel. I don't exactly remember anything we did together, but I know how you made me feel. I want to feel that again."

"How about you stay over for tonight." Devan suggested. "Would that be okay?"

"Yeah." Lily smiled, "I'd like that but, because of my night terrors and insomnia I usually don't sleep that well and I don't want to disturb you if you have to do something important tomorrow."

"I have a day off from work tomorrow, and late classes. It'll be okay Lily." She smiled.

"Okay." Lily couldn't help but feel happy, the one person she remembered from her past life had accepted her, was welcoming her back in, and it looked like she still felt the way Lily felt about her 12 years ago. "I'll wrap your ankle and carry you there, I don't want you getting anymore hurt than you already are."

"I find it so weird that you have the strength to carry me now." Devan commented as Lily wrapped her ankle.

"2 doses of super soldier serum and a cybernetic arm will do that to a person." Lily shot back with a smirk as she finished the wrap.

"Good to see you still have that amazing sense of humour." Devan laughed, finally feeling happy that Lily had returned She knew this wasn't the Lily she remembered, but it was still Lily regardless, and she was still head over heels in love with her.

"I guess my old personality has been retuning in pieces." Lily shrugged as she carried Devan up the stairs to her loft and placed her on the bed.

"There's some smaller sized PJs in on the bottom shelf of my closet if you want to change, I usually have a few friends stay over here if its too late for them to go home, as you saw, I don't live in the best part of town." Devan explained and Lily smiled.

"Thanks, that's way better than sleeping in torn jeans" Lily grinned

"So um, you remember how you felt when we were dating, does that mean you'd like to still have a relationship with me?" Devan asked as Lily pulled out a tank and pair of shorts from Devan's closet.

"In all honestly, yes. Not just to get to know what I was like in the past but to remember you, feel more of that feeling, to get to know you again. I want you to know that I'm not the same as I used to be but I do care deeply about you and I want to learn everything about you again." Lily smiled gently, a light blush on her cheeks.

"We can start slow, I've been waiting for you to come back to me for 12 years. I completely understand that you're not the same after what you've been though, but that's okay. I'm just happy you're back, now get changed and come over here. I want to cuddle you, if you're okay with that."

"I'd love that." Lily smiled, heading to the bathroom to change and coming out in the shorts and tank, climbing into bed with Devan. Devan wrapped her arms around Lily's wait holding her close to her chest.

"Is it okay if I kiss you, like on your head and face? Nothing more." She asked

"Yeah." Lily smiled up to her gently. Devan responded with pecking her on the forehead and pulling her close, Lily relaxed feeling a sense of familiarity of being in Devan's arms, snuggling into her chest and letting herself relax for the first time in a long time, gently wrapping her wing around Devan and stretching out the other one out behind her, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, Devan soon following her. Both woman had gently smiles on their faces, both finally reunited after 12 years. Lily had finally come home.

* * *

 **Parent Reunion  
Word Count: 651**

Devan rolled over and yawned blink her eyes open and wincing at the bright light coming in from the windows in her and Lily's bedroom. White, heavy large white fluffy flakes blanketed the sky. She grinned it was snowing winter had finally arrived and that means Lily would be extra cuddly now because of her hatred for the cold and rightfully so. She turned to see if her girlfriend was awake and snorted at the sight. Lily was curled up in several different fuzzy blankets, all with different textures and her wings also wrapped around herself for maximum warmth during the winter weather not to mention her side of the heated mattress pad was on at the highest heat it could go.

"Lily, wake up cutie, it's snowing." Devan pecked a line of kisses down the side of Lily's face causing the assassin to groan. "1 more hour, please I'm just now starting to feel the heat." Devan just laughed and rolled her eyes.

"You're in 7 blankets and on a heated mattress pad. You have enough heat love." She kissed her head.

"No" Lily groaned. "I'm freezing."

"Nope, come on we're getting you out of bed." Devan laughed pulling the blankets from her body.

"Nooooooo. Stop" Lily complained pulling the blankets back. Devan continued to laugh and she pulled the blankets from Lily and saw she was in fuzzy PJ pants and a tank top. Her wings still curled around her.

"Come on cutie." Devan smiled gently running her hands down Lily's feathers. Lily giggled lightly her wings shifting lightly as Devan's hands tickled her wings. Devan laughed at Lily's reaction and continued to pet her wings smiling at the softness of her girlfriends feathers.

Bucky walked into their room. "Lil, I've been texting you for hours why the hell haven't you answered!?"

"Dude what the hell my phone is charging in the kitchen. Why are you just barging in we could've been in the middle of sex!" Lily sat up wings flicking in annoyance and Devan glaring at him

"You're parents are finding out you're alive today." He deadpanned.

"Shit!" Lily bolted out of bed and to her closet scrambling to get dressed.

"Wear something nice, not sweatpants and a bloodstained shirt." Devan said getting up and walking over to Bucky.

"You gonna get changed out of your PJ's or lack thereof?" He questioned raising an eyebrow at a nude ass Devan standing beside him.

"This is my house that you're intruding in so no" She huffed at him crowding her arms.

"Okay. How's this love?" Lily asked walking over, she was wearing black skinny jeans and a low cut black tight sitting t-shirt.

"I miss seeing you naked." Devan frowned. Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. "I know cutie." She pulled out the case from under the bed and opened it pulling out the holographic cover for her metal arm and slipping it on, watching as it matched her skin tone and her metal arm now looked just like her right one, barring the scars that covered her real arm.

"Huh, I think I'm actually starting to prefer your metal arm, it feels weird seeing you without it." Devan smiled walking over to Lily and kissing her. "I'm gonna miss you today."

"You always miss me." Lily smiled at her looping her arms around Devan's neck.

"Because I'm always worried you won't come back home." Devan frowned slightly Lily gave her a hard kiss.

"I will love, now you get the day to yourself to lounge around. I'll be home as soon as I can." She smiled taking the gun Bucky was holding out to her and slipping it in the waistband on her jeans. Devan pulled her into a hug kissing her hard.

"Come back safe." She said gently resting her head on Lily's shoulder

"I will love, I promise." Lily smiled giving her another hug.

* * *

 **Nightmare + Aftermath  
Word Count: 5,751  
Suicide + Self Harm in this part**

Devan woke up to Lily tossing and turning in the bed, sweat dripping from her body, whimpers coming from her. It was a nightmare, a bad one, one of the worst in a while. She frowned and winced as Lily cried out in pain and couldn't take it anymore, wanting to free Lily from the nightmare she reached out gently to shake her awake, not noticing her right hand clutching something under her pillow.

"Lily, baby you're having a nightmare, please wake up." She said gently laying a hand on her shoulder.

Devan let out a small scream when she was pinned to the mattress within a split second, cold metal at her throat and a heavy weight on top of her. She looked up in fear as Lily was glaring down at her her eyes hard and dead. Metal hand pinning Devan's hands above her head, bruising her wrists slightly, knife in her right hand held against her throat, breaking skin as blood started to leak down her neck. Her wings were flared above her making her look larger and deadlier.

"Lily please." Devan choked out staring Lily in the eye tears starting to leak down her cheeks.

"You will never control me again." Lily growled eyes hardening and knife digging deeper.

"Stop! Lily it's me Devan! Please, you're dreaming I'd never try to control you!" Devan yelled starting to panic. She felt the grip on her wrists loosen and the knife drop as Lily scrambled off her.

"Oh god." Lily breathed out shaking tears starting to leak down her cheeks at what she had just done staring into Devan's eyes. She stepped forward trying to get to Devan and apologize but Devan panicked and bolted towards the bathroom locking the door.

"Devan. Devan please, I-I didn't mean to. Please." Devan could tell Lily was crying, she knew Lily was having a flashback when she attacked but that didn't help her panic attack she was trying to fight off now.

Eight hours later Devan was still locked up in the bathroom and Lily was trying to convince her to come out through tears. "Please" The assassin begged. "I'm so sorry" She cried, "I never want to hurt you I didn't mean it." Devan refused saying huddled up in the corner wiping tears from her cheeks, the blood coming from the cut on her neck has slowed and stopped drying on her neck, her wrists had bruised with hand prints from Lily's cybernetic hand pinning her down. She could hear Lily crying from the door, she wanted to comfort Lily but she couldn't help but be scared of her love at the moment.

Suddenly Lily's crying quieted and she could hear soft whispers. Soft knocking on the bathroom door soon sounded,

"Devan, it's Steve, can I come in?" Devan sniffled and got up, unlocking the door and stepping back. Steve heard it unlock and opened it gently and walked in sitting next to her. "Lily texted Bucky and told him what happened. He's with her right now in the living room, calming her down. You okay?" He asked gently seeing the blood on her neck and bruises on her wrist.

"Physically, I'm okay, but mentally. I had a panic attack. I'm scared at the thought of being around her I know it wasn't her fault that she was having a nightmare and a flashback but she could've killed me. She never tells me about her past or nightmares. I tried to do some research on PTSD and other trauma related mental illnesses but the symptoms vary from person to person and she never tells me about her PTSD or anything else that's going on with her mentally. I can't help her and it leads to this! She nearly killed me!" Devan yelled tears starting to roll down her cheeks again.

"Devan" Steve sighed, "Lily went 11 years being isolated and alone, coming back to you, she wanted to forget everything, she knows how your depression and anxiety affects you and she was scared to tell you anything in fear that it would trigger you. I will tell you one thing that she might not have told you, but Bucky trained her when she was first brought to Hydra, he may have been under control but he looked out for her and did his best to protect her from their experiments, he talked her down from killing Sam when we broke her out from Hydra, she was the only one she trusted for a long time while recovering at Avengers base because he was the only one she remembered. Bucky's been through what she went though, so it's easy for him to understand and them to talk about it with each other. She just got you back and didn't want to put a rift into the relationship. She was scared Devan, she didn't know how to handle it, she may have not handled it the right way but, she did what she thought was right." Steve explained "I'll sit in here with you until Bucky texts me telling me Lily's calmed. I don't want you two overwhelmed and on the verge of panic attacks when you sit down and talk about this. I'm gonna try and convince her to talk to you but it is her choice."

"I'm not a super soldier! This is different! You can hold Bucky down if he tries to attack you! I'm weak against Lily! I can't fight back if she's in the middle of a flashback!" Devan screamed tears streaming down her face. She gulped when she realized her outburst. "Shit, Steve I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to."

Steve waved his hand, "It's fine Devan, I get it, this is different for you. You just two just reunited and you want things to go back to before she was taken and she's still piecing together who she used to be." Steve said gently, "At least that's how it went with Bucky and I when he started his recovery."

"I just, she isn't the Lily I remember, the girl I fell in love with, I will still forever love her, but she's been back for 3 months and she still has told me barely anything about what happened to her. I know it's hurting her, she's on like 20 different medications and is always having nightmares. She's hurting and I can't help her!" She broke down crying again and Steve gently wrapped his arms around her, she leaned into him and sobbed.

* * *

"You don't get it Bucky. I almost killed her I had a knife to her throat. I was pinning her I was just about ready to slit her neck open." Lily exclaimed tear running down her face. "I nearly killed my fucking girlfriend." She cried wrapping her arms around herself and wrapping her wings around herself creating a barrier between herself and the outside world. "I'm a monster" She whimpered.

"Lily no! You did not consciously pin Devan to the mattress you did not consciously try and slit her throat. You had just been woken up from a nightmare and were having a flashback. You had no control of your actions. Devan knows that but it was scary for her, seeing the women you love pin you and nearly try to kill you. It would scare the best of us." Bucky tried to explain calmly resting his flesh hand on Lily's back, "Please, you need to talk to Devan about what happened when you were with the ring and Hydra, she wants to understand what happened to you and how you got to where you were. She likes knowing about the mind, and she's curious about yours. She has depression Lil, you told me yourself when you remembered her about her mental illnesses and used that to convince me to help you sneak out and find her. That Devan would be able to help you recover, but you've used her to repress those memories. You aren't recovering, you're hurting yourself further by not talking about what you've been though. Devan's starting to break down because you always come to me for help. Yes I know what you've been though but I can't be the only person you rely on Lily, you need others. You need your girlfriend."

"I can tell her Bucky, sh-she, I just can't." Tears started to run down her face as she held back sobs her body shaking as she pulled her wings tighter around herself.

"Lily" He sighed, "You are going to make progress in your recovery if you refuse to talk about what happened to you, even Wanda offered to help go over your mind with you but you refused, you're actively refusing to be helped, it's like you want to suffer" He trailed off and his eyes widened in realization, "You're punishing yourself for what you did when Hydra was controlling you." He said, "Lily, please, pull your wings back, let me see you and help you, you're like a little sister to me I don't like seeing you hurt, and I bet Devan likes it less" He said gently, rubbing her shoulder to try and relax the tension in her back. Lily sniffled and pulled her wings back, her eyes were red and puffy arms tight around herself.

"I deserve it." She mumbled, "I killed people, innocent people, I tore families apart to stop the torture. I was selfish and did it for myself." Her lip quivered as tears started to roll down her cheeks again.

"Lily, I did the same thing and I too blamed myself but remember, for both of us, we were being tortured, we weighted our life over others which isn't bad. That just means we're human. You're human, you're not a monster Lily, I don't think that, Steve doesn't think that and I guarantee you that Devan surely doesn't believe that." He said gently, "Now come here" He said gently pulling her into a gentle hug she just leaned into him sobs still racking her body. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall and swore. "Shit Lily, it's nearly 8 at night, you and Devan haven't eaten all day. I'm going to tell Steve and making you two some food, being hungry won't help your mental states."

"Okay" Lily sniffled wiping her eyes as Bucky got up and headed to her and Devan's room. He knocked gently and walked in.

"Hey, it's almost 8 and you and Lily haven't eaten all day, I'm gonna fix you two some food, Lily's mostly calmed down now if you're ready to talk with her." He told Devan gently.

"Okay" she nodded. Her eyes were red and puffy, tears staining her face. Bucky smiled and left, heading to the kitchen and decided to make them some pasta.

Lily was curled up on the couch still wiping the slow falling tears from her eyes when Devan walked in with Steve behind her. She turned to look back at him and he patted her should giving her an encouraging smile before going to join Bucky in the kitchen.

Devan went and sat next to Lily on the couch, some space in between them. The two sat in silence for some time, hearing a hushed conversation from the kitchen between Bucky and Steve.

After 10 minutes Lily was the first to speak. "I'm sorry." She whimpered, fresh tears falling down her cheeks.

Devan frowned, hating that Lily was in such distress over this. "No Lily, I know it wasn't you. I was just in shock and scared." She said reaching out to comfort Lily but hesitated. She loved Lily but from what happened earlier that day. She couldn't help but be scared of her.

"Dev, I-I know you don't like me not telling you about what happened to me, but, I can't, I just can't." Lily mumbled, "I wish I could, but I can't bring myself too."

"Lily, I feel helpless seeing you suffer. The only time you talked about what happened to you is when you came back to me 3 months ago. I've seen you go through dozens of nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks. I can't take it anymore Lily. You're suffering and I can't help you!" Devan had tears running down her face again sobs racking her chest. Lily tried to reach out for Devan and she flinched away. The look on Lily's face was pure heartbreak, but she gulped and held back the tears but just barely, curling her wings around herself again so Devan wouldn't have to see her.

Bucky soon came out with two bowls of pasta, light in sauce and a bit a cheese. Devan smiled gently taking both bowls and placing one in front of Lily who took it and slowly started eating. "Thank you Bucky." Devan said gently. Taking bite and smiling, "You're a really good cook."

"Thanks" He smiled, "So, do Steve and I need to stay or are you two okay?" He asked gently. Devan looked over at Lily and then back to Bucky.

"I think we'll be okay" She said gently.

"Okay." He nodded, but if either of you need one or both of us, you have our numbers and we're also just across the hall." He smiled gently at Devan and then left with Steve.

"Lily" Devan started gently, putting her bowl on the coffee table in front of the couch, "Honey can we talk?"

"I-I, you're scared of me. I did this to you" Lily mumbled her wings still around herself. Again Devan reached out to comfort her but couldn't bring herself to touch her.

"I-I'm going to head to bed Lily. I know you want to be alone now, so when you're ready, come join me." She said gently before getting up and heading to their room, changing into a fresh set of PJs and laying down in their bed.

Lily pulled her wings back once she heard their bedroom down shut. She hated that Devan was scared of her. She caused all this, it was all her fault. The reflection off her metal arm caught her eye and she glared at it. This weapon grafted onto her body was the cause of this. It was her one body part that had the most blood on it from her victims. She had tried this before but it was when she was in a facility surrounded by cameras and people. Devan was asleep, she wouldn't hear her. She got up with new determination stalking over to her weapon collection and grabbing the sharpest combat knife she owned. Slipping into their bed room and then the bathroom, their only bathroom with an actual bath. Stripping her shirt and bra, and climbing into the tub.

She took a deep breath and dove the knife into the already heavy scaring that surrounded the edge of her metal arm. She bit back a scream of pain and continued trying to cut her arm off, scarlet blood soon coated her, flowing down her torso, metal arm, and coving her right hand that was holding the knife. She soon felt the affects of blood loss her vision started blurring and she felt her consciousness slipping away as her vision faded to black.

* * *

Devan suddenly woke up and frowned, feeling something was off but pushed it to the side excusing it as the stress of her and Lily's situation. She frowned noticing Lily wasn't next to her in bed, she just wanted Lily to be okay and talk to her, help her recover. She froze when she heard the sound of metal clattering to the ground. It came from the bathroom, she bolted from bed and raced to the bathroom. She tried to open the door but found that it was locked. "Lily!" She banged on the door trying to get it to open up. She took a step back and took a deep breath, it was a wood door, not that strong she could do it. She had to. She kicked in the door and gasped as pain went up her leg. She ignored it and ran in freezing at the sight in front of her. Fear freezing her blood.

"No no no! Lily!" She screamed tears starting to flow down her face at the sight of her love. Passed out in the tub, covered in the blood, the blood still flowing, knife laying beside her. She ran over to her and tried to stop the bleeding with her shaking hands slipping against the blood she started to panic. "No Lily please. Please baby don't leave me again." Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "Bucky! Steve! Help!" She started screaming. Hoping they would hear her, relief flooded her when she heard heavy foot steps coming towards her position. Steve and Bucky raced in paling at the sight of Devan on her girlfriend covered in her blood trying to stop the bleeding.

"Call for a medic" Bucky said to Steve who nodded and raced out of the room for a phone. Bucky grabbed towels from the towel rack and running over tossing one to Devan. "Pressure on the cuts now" He ordered her and she followed them pressing the towels hard against the gashes. Watching as the white fabric slowly turned red. She couldn't stop crying, leaning in to kiss Lily, noticing her lips were turning blue and were cool but she felt a breath. "Please, please don't leave me. God Lily please I love you so fucking much and I promise if you make it out of this I will be there for you whenever you need me. I will be by your side forever. I will be your wife if you want me to because I want to be yours. I love you now and I will forever love you. Just please survive this." She begged

Soon after she and Bucky got to slowing the blooding paramedic showed up. "No!" Devan screamed as they tried to pull her away from Lily. "I can't leave her! This is my fault!"

"Devan" Steve said sharply. "If you do not let them take Lily and do their job she will die. Let them save her. You'll still be by her side what she wakes up and yes I mean when because even if I've known Lily for just about a year she's the most stubborn person I know and that's coming from me and knowing Bucky for years." He said firmly, pulling her away from her girlfriend's body. The paramedics quickly made a temporary but strong bandage around the wounds and loaded Lily up on the backboard carrying her out of the apartment Bucky following them to give the hospital instructions about Lily's anonymous status.

Steve was still holding Devan when she collapsed in his arms sobbing loudly fearing for Lily's life, her blood covering her. "Come on." Steve said gently, "Let's get you cleaned up and then go to the hospital." He took Devan over to his and Bucky's apartment not wanting Devan to be in the room that held the sweet coppery scent of blood. He got her cleaned up and in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, Devan insisted on Lily's neon orange hoodie.

* * *

12 hours later after a 8 hours surgery and 3 blood transfusions Lily slowly started to regain consciousness. She groaned as annoying beeping filled her ears and pain bled from her left shoulder. She tried to move her right arm to feel what was wrong with her left shoulder but found she was restrain. She panicked and shot up thinking Hydra had found her and recaptured her. She bit back a scream in pain as she aggravated the stitching in her shoulder.

"Whoo! Easy Lily, you're okay. Lay back down before you tear your stitches." It was Bucky's voice, thank god. She laid back down in the bed and looked around, Bucky was sitting beside her phone in his flesh hand, a spot of bright orange caught her eye and she looked over seeing Devan curled up on two chairs in the form of a makeshift bed.

"What happened?" She asked confused, her mind felt fuzzy and she couldn't remember what had happened that would've put her in the hospital.

"You don't remember?" Bucky asked sympathy in his voice and she shook her head confusion still covering her face. Bucky sighed, "Devan found you unconscious and loosing blood fast in the bath or your apartment last night. You tried to cut off your arm again."

"I remember now" She mumbled looking down at her left arm, cuffed against the bed, same as her right one. "I'm on suicide watch again aren't I?" She asked and Bucky nodded, she gulped and then tried to explain herself. "I hated myself for hurting Devan, I blamed it on the arm, the weapon they put on me and what they made me use it for, all I've ever done is kill people with it. I was close to killing Devan in that flashback. I'm a monster, I just thought, I-if th-the arm cou-could be o-of-f I-I'd" She broke down sobbing and couldn't finish. Bucky hugged her, not so tight that he'd hurt her shoulder but tight enough so she'd know he was there for her.

"Take deep breaths kid. We don't want you passing out" He said gently, rubbing her back in an attempt to calm her down.

Lily eventually calmed down. Bucky grabbed a tissue and wiped the tears from her face. "Lily" He sighed, "You need to talk to Devan, that's not advice anymore it's an order, you talk to her or I'm taking you back to base because you aren't recovering, you've gone back to the same place you were a year ago. I know you think you're protecting Devan from your past but you aren't protecting her you're hurting her further. She had 4 panic attacks when you were out, for over 12 hours I might add. You both need to talk. She's over stressed about you and how you're suffering and you're stressing about her suffering, the way to fix that is for you to tell her what happened to you, talk to her Lil. You both need it." Bucky said sternly looking her in the eye. Ready to argue with Lily but she frowned and nodded.

"Okay. I-I'll talk with her." It was quiet just above a whisper but he could tell she was telling the truth.

"Thank you." He smiled, "I'm going to get something to eat now that I know you're okay. When Devan wakes up talk to her."

"I will" She nodded "And, where's Steve?"

"He's cleaning up your apartment, neither of us wanted you or Devan returning home to a blood stained bathroom." He smiled gently and Lily smiled a thank you before he left.

* * *

Lily had fallen asleep shortly after Bucky left, her body still recovering from the amount of blood she lost.

She woke up to not only the normal sound of the beeping but also the sound of crying. Her eyes fluttering open and she took in the sight of Devan sobbing over her, holding her right hand, Lily squeezed gently letting Devan now she was awake. She heard a sharp intake as Devan stiffened and looking up to meet Lily's eyes, her skin was still a pale white but she was slowly regaining colour.

"You're awake." Devan smiled through tears holding Lily's hand the best she could while it was restrained.

"I am." Lily smiled gently, not that she was more awake and aware of her situation she started subconsciously pulling at the restrains, not liking how much this reminded her of Hydra and worried it would trigger a flashback. "Could you untie me? You can watch so I won't do anything but I don't want to be restrained, it reminds me too much of Hydra."

"Lily, I don't know, I would rather wait till Bucky or Steve were here so they could stop you from doing anything." Devan frowned not wanting Lily to hurt herself or her.

"You can love." Lily said gently sincerity in her eyes.

"I can't, I'm not a super soldier, I don't have the training that you 3 have." Devan said self doubt leaking through her voice.

"You're you love. You're the one that held me sobbing in you arms and stopped me from scratching myself when in the middle of a panic attack, you helped me calm down from hyperventilating. You did that, not Bucky or Steve, I need them when I need to let out physical aggression, I need you to, to talk to, about what happened to me for those 11 years." Lily said confidently.

"Y-you re-rem-remember u-us?" Devan asked in excitement, her stutter starting to fuck with her speech.

"Bits and pieces but memories are starting to come back." Lily smiled gently.

Devan made quick work of the restraints and pulled Lily into a bone crushing hug that would have most people assuming she was a super soldier. Lily hissed in pain "Shoulder!" She yelped.

"Shit!" Devan released her and pulled back. "Sorry" She guilt painting her features.

"It's okay" Lily smiled gently and pulled her back into a more gentler but also firm hug. "I'm sorry for scaring you." She mumbled regret filling her voice.

"Baby" Devan sighed releasing Lily and sitting on her bed, "It wasn't you, at least you weren't thinking straight, it was a cocktail of what we had been thought, your nightmare and flashback, panicking over hurting me, feeling isolated and alone when I wouldn't let you near me, me physically rejecting you. I-I should've predicted this." Devan's breathing started to quicken as tears rolled down her cheeks. Lily reached out for a hug but Devan pushed her away. "You told me you have a history of attempts I-I sho-ould h-h-have kn-k-kno-known." She started sobbing and Lily pulled her in for a tight hug.

"I kept to myself love, nothing was your fault, you were in shock from me attacking you and still processing it." She whispered gently in her ear running her right hand through her hair. Devan nodded through tears and sobs and laid her head on Lily's right shoulder. Taking deep breaths to calm down as Lily rubbed her back.

Lily took a deep breath, "So, you want to know what happened to me?"

"I do baby, I want to know, even if it hurts me, even if I cry. I want to know what you've been through." Devan said wiping tears from her face and sitting up to face her girlfriend.

"You bring your laptop?" Lily sighed, knowing this was going to be a really hard, long conversation filled with tears and possible panic attacks.

"Yeah. Why?" Devan questioned getting up to grab her laptop.

"I have all my files." Lily said popping a plate near her wrist off and pulling a USB out placing the plate back in place and hanging it over to Devan. "Plug it in, I'll show you the password so you can read it over whenever you want." Devan nodded and plugged in the USB to her laptop, a window opening up with a Eagle insignia followed by a login box.

"Username is LILY_D_3971 and password is TRAFALGAR" Lily told her

"You old street?" Devan asked typing in Lily's username and password.

"I use it as a calming method, for my PTSD, recite three of the streets that were closest to my house growing up as a kid, and since I never moved, it was an easy pick." She smiled gently.

Devan looked over the files that were on the drive. Mental Evaluations and Sessions, SHIELD, Hydra, Kills, Medical Documentations, History, Trafficking Ring.

"It's everything I know about myself" Lily sighed, "Everything I know and remember. Even SHIELD doesn't have some of these, mostly the Hydra files, I can't stand the thought of Government officials seeing those files or some of the footage"

"Why's that?" Devan asked gently. Double clicking on the Hydra file.

"In the Hydra files, there's footage of me being reprogrammed with my trigger words, what turn me back into their weapon, what allows them to control me." Lily explained, "So if you're gonna watch the footage, please use headphones."

"Okay" Devan nodded. "Do the words still affect you if their spoken in a different language?"

"Yeah, since my brain was programmed with multiple languages and I spent 10 years as a soviet assassin, I tend to process words in Russian and then whatever language that they really spoke in. So if any of the words are said in any language my brain first goes to hearing them in Russian which can trigger the programming sequence and have me go back to being the Winter Soldier." Lily sighed playing with her hands. Devan grabbed Lily's right hand and kissed her knuckles gently.

"How about you tell me everything you can say out loud, other times you can have me refer to a file or video or maybe you can try writing it down. Would that work?" Devan tried. "And maybe I can get you a journal, write down random things you remember from time to time."

"I-I'd love that." Lily smiled, liking the idea of having something of her own and having it be in her own control.

"Great" Devan smiled at her love shinning in her eyes.

"Okay, I can tell you about the ring today since compared to Hydra, it's much easier to talk about." Lily said

"Whatever you're comfortable with darling." Devan smiled gently at her reaching over and pushing a strand of Lily's hair behind her ear.

"Okay" Lily took a deep breath. "The first thing I remember is waking up on a metal operating table, wearing only a bra and underwear. I was strapped down and people were shouting out numbers. Someone else with a microphone or at least an amplifier saying something about virgin meat on the table so it's worth more. It didn't occur to me at the time that they were talking about me and how that this was the first time I was being auctioned off. It ended with some old creep paying just over $3,500 for a kitchen knife and 10 minutes with me." She took a deep breath and lifted her hospital gown to show Devan the scarring on her abdomen. "These really old faded ones are the ones he did. 7 if I remember correctly, I blacked out from pain pretty quickly after he started cutting me."

Devan was holding Lily's right hand in a death grip tears starting to leak down her cheeks making Lily feel horrible for upsetting her but she knew this was what Devan wanted so she continued.

"The next time I woke up I was on a really old mattress, an attempt of stopping the bleeding from the cuts was lazily plastered on my stomach. I ended up putting my first aid training to use and stopped most of the bleeding myself with the shitty first-aid kit they had left in the room, but it was difficult because my left arm was constantly burning in pain and I could barley move it. Another captive was next to me, I don't remember them. I hope they got out." She sighed remembering how many other people, teenagers, kids that were taken by the ring, hoping all of them were okay. "Anyway, they told me that we were auctioned off as playthings for the wealthy 1% of the area that had psychopathic and sociopathic tendencies that they wanted to explore. Remember the doctor I told you about that amputated my left arm?" Devan nodded not looking forward to where this story was going. "He was an orthopaedic surgeon, that'd been having dreams of doing a non-anaesthetic amputation for years so he could see what would happen to his 'patient'. Again, ring only agreed to this because of the money he paid and that he could actually do it without me dying because he severed a major artery and literally just let it spirt blood for a full minute before cauterizing it. After that I passed out from pain. Having someone sever a major blood vessel then burn it to seal it off is worse than you think. After that I woke up with no arm, he cut it a few inches below my shoulder." She felt Devan grab her hand and looking at her concerned.

"What?" She asked confused

"You were scratching at your stitches love, or at least tried to." She said gently, still holding her hand.

"Sorry, I tend to do that whenever I think about my real arm." She apologized.

"I get it baby, I just don't want you hurting yourself further." Devan assured her.

Lily gave her a gentle smiled and then took a deep breath continuing. "I realized that they were doing it to get a reaction out of me, that's all the bidders wanted, I started playing up the pain as I started to build my tolerance to it and not passing out too quickly. Nothing but the amputation has a permeant physical affect on me, I was shot but the auctioneers made sure it would be in a place where it wouldn't hit anything internally or damage anything. They may have tortured me but at least they didn't want me dead and kept me relatively well fed. I think it was a little after 6 months of them having me that I woke up to gunshots, nothing I wasn't used to but it was weird because they sounded closer to the cells that usually. My door was unlocked and there were a dozen men standing there in tactical gear. They said they were with the FBI and I saw no reason for them to lie, I had no idea where I was being held I could've very well been in the States, I was but that's besides the point. They got me out loaded me in a van stabbed me with a sedative and my life went onto a worse hell from there." Lily finished her flesh hand shaking when her mind went on to remember what had happened to her after she woke up from the sedative.

Devan grabbed Lily's hand and squeezed tight letting her know she was there for her.

* * *

 **Injury  
Word Count: 1,269**

"Ducasse!" Lily groaned as she was throw into yet another wall. She fell to the ground and struggled to get up. She and Barnes just had to pick a fight with a fully armed Hydra base with more volunteer super soldier assets that were currently kicking their asses.

"Barnes, this was your fucking idea and if I die I swear I will haunt you for the rest of you life and let Devan know this was you not me." She growled into her comm and shot one of the soldiers in the face, blood splattering over her as she moved through the crowd of Hydra soldiers cutting them down any way possible, she'd exhausted her powers earlier and had sprained a wing when being thrown through 4 consecutive concrete walls. Her adrenaline masking the pain of her many broken bones and stab, and gun shot wounds.

"Relax you'll get back to your girlfriend Ducasse. Ah!" Lily couldn't help but snicker as she heard Bucky being thrown into a wall through the comm. She snapped the neck of the last soldier coming at her.

"I think I'm in the clear, you?" She asked leaning against a wall for support as her adrenaline started to die down and pain was setting in.

"Yeah" His response came through with some interference on the comm, clearly his had been damaged.

"Then let's get out of here." The two met up in one of the halls and headed for the exit.

* * *

Bucky drove Lily back from base where they were both lectured on missions behind Fury's back, they were both suspended from field work until they healed and then a month after that. Lily nursed her sprained wrist and was fixing the wrapping on her torso that would help her broken or fractured ribs.

Bucky dropped Lily back at her and Devan's apartment, "You're still gonna blame me?" He guessed.

"Yup, that way she won't kill me." She smiled and shut the door, limping to Devan's apartment and unlocking the door.

* * *

Devan looked up from her laptop as she heard the lock being turned in the door. Frowning because Lily wasn't supposed to be home for another few hours. She gasped as Lily walked in, jacket of her combat suite in her arms and blood splattering her face. "I'm home." She offered a weak smile.

"Lily! What the fuck happened, holy fuck you're limping you need to sit." Devan shut her laptop and got up forcing Lily to sit on the couch and running to grab a bowl of warm water and soap, and a cloth to clean her off. She came back and started gently wiping the dried blood off Lily's face.

"What happened?" She asked sitting back and looking Lily in the eye.

"Bucky managed to convince me to come on a raid of a Hydra base, we both thought it was small, kill a few agents get the intel nothing new but…what we did know is that at that facility they were housing at least 12 volunteers that had all been inducted into the Winter Soldier program with no brainwashing required. I've been checked out by a SHIELD doctor and I'm suspended from field work until I fully heal from my injuries, and then a month after that."

"And the injuries are?" Devan asked through gritted teeth cursing her girlfriend for being an idiot with her best friend who was also an idiot.

"Broken wrist, sprained ankle, 2 broken ribs and 3 fractured ones, multiple stab and bullet wounds, not to mention a ton of bruising because of how many walls I was thrown into, also I sprained my left wing." Lily listed off.

Devan took a deep breath to calm herself. "You're a fucking idiot for going to that base alone with just Bucky, but since I love you, as your girlfriend I hear by declare that you are not even thinking about work until you're fully healed, this is gonna be our time. You're getting a vacation whether you like it or not." She set Lily a glare when she was about to protest and then backed down. "Good" Devan grinned and kissed her forehead. "Now, I'm going to bet you're soar and I hate seeing you hurt so your punishment is me forcing you to take a bath and while I'm washing your wings because who knows how long it's been since they've been probably soaped up we're watching rom-coms and you're going to like them." Devan smirked at the look of horror on Lily's face.

"Anything but rom-coms please" She begged, but then broke and started laughing she stopped and groaned. "Ow, laughing is not good with broken ribs" She winced

"Oh honey." Devan frowned at Lily's pain. "Come on, let's get you clean up and then I can yell at you some more." She smiled standing up and holding out her hand for Lily. The assassin too her girlfriend's hand and Devan pulled her from the couch, taking most of Lily's weight as they made their way to the bathroom. Devan started running the bath with warm water as Lily slowly undressed wincing as almost every movement.

Devan came over and helped her pull her shirt off, maneuvering her wings through the holes cut for them and getting it over her head while trying to not aggravate her ribs. The 2 were able to get the shirt off eventually and Devan frowned seeing the bruises and wounds covering Lily's torso.

"I'll be okay." Lily smiled gently at her, "You know I've survived worse."

"Yeah" Devan frowned, "But I don't like seeing you hurt." She kissed Lily's forehead and then started pulling her pants down.

"Baby I know you're in a constant horny state but I don't think I'm in the best shape to have sex." Lily laughed.

"I'm getting your pants off so you can get cleaned up, getting to see you naked is just a plus cutie." Devan grinned at her and winked, kissing Lily's nose causing the assassin to giggle and blush slightly.

"I love it when you blush!" Devan awed and pulled Lily into a gentle loving hug. Lily smiled leaning into her and hugging back. The two sat there for a good 5 minutes just enjoying being in each others arms, eyes closed and taking in being with the other.

Devan pulled back and kissed Lily's forehead. "Now, lets get you in the bath" She turned the water off and felt to the temperature. "Prefect, nice and warm, just the way you like it." She grinned at Lily who smiled back. She stood up and stripped her underwear and bra, limping over to the tub. Devan took Lily into her arms and kissed her, her hands coming up to grope Lily's breasts. Lily let out a loud snort and pulled away laughing.

"Not horny eh?" She questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"What can I say you're hot baby." Devan grinned trying for Lily's boobs again but Lily deflected by catching Devan's hand with her metal hand. "Is this just a ploy for you to get me naked and to tease me?" She questioned.

"Nope." Devan shook her head, "I'm washing all the blood off you you, now get in the water before I change my mind on what activity we're doing." She smirked and winked at Lily biting her lip.

"You're unbelievable" Lily rolled her eyes stepping into the tub and sitting in the steaming water sighing in relief as she felt her muscles relax

"But you love me." Devan interjected.

"Yes, yes I do." Lily smiled at her.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading but this is now the official end of Endurance. My planned ending would've been a bumpy recovery for Lily with Devan by her side and them eventually getting engaged and the story ending with both of them together. I hate to leave a story abandoned but I cannot continue this story for the sake of my own sanity and mental health.**


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